483. Poem "How Does It Feel" Based on a Tragic Car Accident

The PDF of the poem can be found here: http://sites.google.com/site/stokastika2/howdoesitfeelpoem1.pdf.

Yesterday I had an opportunity to meet "Waldo" as Jules calls him, and he told me of a horrific story in which a 21-year old girl was hit by a car that was going 60 miles-per-hour. She is presently in a coma, but is receiving intense hospital care, and they are slowly weening her off the respiratory machine. I was very attracted to this story because (1) the situation explores very visceral, subconscious forms of existence, and requires imagination of how this visceral form of existence relates to states of higher consciousness (I'm sure Samuel Beckett would approve of my showing interest!) and (2) this scenario could happen to anyone--including myself. Victoria as "jogger roadkill." Absurd, and yet not. Something very real. And from a personal take, this story can definitely explain why Waldo suddenly went MIA for a while when we anticipated on meeting about 3-4 weeks ago.

I hope all outcomes of this story turn for the better. And through writing this poem, it has helped me imagine how it could possibly feel being in such a helpless state.

314. Poem "On the Whateverness of Hearts Stopping"

This poem was inspired from conversations with my friend, Tariel. The poem illustrates two paradoxes: one paradox is that in order to deal with and manage death and loss, you must take it "lightly" and "ephemerally." But my ultimate pursuit of life is to live beyond my own life. I want to become a fossil that will be preserved for a million gazillion years. Tariel has the ability to find meaning and let go of things quite swiftly, so I have come to learn. Which to me, can be... in part self demeaning, because I find life and death and loss and rebirth to be quite a sacred process.

The second paradox is more so the concept of the human tendency to (1) live in the present and "make it through the day" but paradoxically and environmentally (2) to live in the present, accounting for the past, envisioning a future. Existence in context. Visceral existence. Mental existence. Fundamentally and viscerally, we human organisms are very good at living just to make it through the day. As mental entities in the university, we have to compromise our visceral needs with our mind's tendency to create grand worlds far beyond the near present, near-past, and near-future.