115. An Encounter with a Homeless Man, Riverside, California

I remember Nicole Star*eski (sorry, very hard last name to remember) saying when initiating the writing for the Goleta Beach film project: "Just write anything. The most important thing is to INITIATE the process so we can start some email-based-dialogue and receive feedback." I guess I should treat this blog the same. Just throw out ideas for myself (and hopefully others will read), and when the time comes to compile thoughts for a full-blown film or any form of interactive media project, then we're in good shape. It's not good to keep ideas bottled inside.

I haven't talked to a homeless man since my encounter with Rick Moritz and Jason last summer, when interviewing them for a film project with Blue Horizons at UCSB. About a week ago I was leaving the Walmart of Moreno Valley (home to some of the most gigantic whale-humans I have ever seen) and saw this rather young guy with spectacles on, sitting on a bench. To my surprise, he asked, "Would you spare some change?" and my impulsive, automaton reaction was: "No, sorry. I only have a credit card." I walked away, but my mind wasn't processing the dichotomy: how can a very young, intelligent-looking individual be homeless, sitting on a bench, asking for change? I paced around the parking lot quite a bit, struggling because I needed to go home to work, yet at the same time I was intrigued to find out this guy's story. Finally, my curiosity and desire for spontaneity overcame me, and I returned to this man. I asked him, "What are you going to use the money for?" He said he needed something to eat. And I said, if we go in together, I can buy you some food. He headed toward the McDonalds inside the store, which kind of defeats the purpose of everything (especially after watching blips of Supersize Me), and he asked for a big-n-tasty, a three-dollar burger. I felt good, temporarily satisfying the hunger of this mysterious person. We had a highly engaging conversation throughout this time, and I found out these things from him: (1) His name is Jeff Fritz (2) he lost his job and lost contact with his wife and kid all around the same time (3) he's been homeless for around 6 months (4) he sleeps in a tent up in the Box Springs Mountains (5) being homeless is hard and fun at the same time, it's fun to camp out and sleep under the stars, it's fun to be independent and nomadic, not knowing what the next day shall bring (6) being homeless is a job and it's about acting to play on other people's sympathy (7) it's close to impossible to starve in America because people are too nice, too many people throw away food, individually or through a business, and people tend to hook you up (8) he's in Riverside because his cousin lives around here and sometimes he can give him food and a place to sleep (9) his consolation and "internal heater" on cold nights are cigarettes, his only luxury (10) he has an interview within a week at Job Corps in San Bernardino. Basically, Job Corps is a non-profit group that gets homeless people off the streets, provide them housing and basic training until they can stand on their feet with financial and territorial stability. Happy ending situation. I'm sure I learned more from Jeff than this, but I told him in my mind and my heart I have a funny desire to be homeless, and I became a field scientist (ecologist / earth scientist) simply because it's a more socially acceptable version of satisfying the craving to be nomadic, independent of a mass-production technologized society that knows you by number and not necessarily by name. A name with a story, that is. I told Jeff that I may contact him in the future because I want to make a film on homeless people, but focusing on the Gleaner Lifestyle in America. How people survive living off of other people's perception of "waste." There's a french version of the film "The Gleaners and I," and there's lots of room for improvement. I'm glad I talked to Jeff. I internally vowed that day that every time I feel trapped in a box, I must go out and do one thing that day I have never done before, big or small. And my encounter with Jeff really made my day.

114. The Stigma of Yahoo Personals, Data Collection for N = 7/11 and the Science of Dating

http://stokastika.googlepages.com/yahoopersonals.pdf

Above is data for the future manuscript N = 7/11.

One thing I hate doing is repeating myself. Lately, since life has been going by so fast, I have come to lose track of what I have said to whom. But if I talk about the newest and latest intellectual drama in my life, then there are good chances I am not repeating myself, but engaging a specific audience in new variations of the same underlying inter-related themes of being a human being on planet Earth. Since I have largely figured out these main themes, I decided that science fiction can foreseeably play a huge role in my future life, simply because I am fascinated by and interested in discovering/creating mechanisms and matrices (structures of knowledge) rather than figuring out the Jeopardy details that get classified within these frameworks.

Another reason why I need science fiction in my life is so that I can engage in a series of thought experiments that I could not feasibly implement on human beings and human society, simply because it would be deemed "unethical." As a science fiction writer, I would have the ability to play the role of "alien" and attempt to objectively experiment with human/environmental behavior and processes and dream of outcomes of such experiments. It would be wonderful. I think we need some serious science fiction to progress humanity to "the next step" of self-system sufficiency. But this whole science fiction is an aside. Back to the point.

Five Points.

#1. I just looked up whether I discussed on this blog my primal mammalian condition. Apparently I have not done a very thorough job. So, I have a bit of a license to discuss this issue a bit here.

#2. This is in part an embarassing blog (partly yes, partly no). The above pdf is something I wrote a while ago (2003?). Yahoo personals profile with no image (thank goodness), and I do admit it's highly out of date, but captures my mentality at a given point in space and time.

#3. Date for book / script N = 7/11. One day Vic will write an essay in which a female protagonist treats dating as a series of scientific experiments. I am considering that there might be two parallel universes in which the female has a chip inserted in her mind by an alien species that objectively studies human behavior. Maybe this alien species will have three sexes, two sexes can symbiotically combine in a mutualistic physiology, and only on this condition of symbiosis, can there be genetic exchange with the third sex. Hmmm, wow, I'm trying to focus here. Seriously. So, the female human would go through a certain set of interpretational responses to her dating experiments, the alien would document all physical and mental responses of the female human, but would also go through its own set of interpretations of the experiment. Which would be utterly fascinating sci fi experiment on human behavior. I think the ending would be ultimately dark.

#4. What is my recent trial of N = 7/11. A lame one, I'd say. Never done Craigslist before, but met a UCSB Media Arts Technology (MAT) graduate student through Craigslist. It was so comedy. I read the geeky profile and emailed the random guy: "Do you go to UCSB? By any chance, are you affiliated with the MAT department?" And out of all randomness, these questions were answered as yes both times. So this mysterious male specimen, by the name of Charlie, sounded good on paper and well... a bit dull and apathetic in person. No emotional and crazy energetic enthusiasm that I have. Though this is just one trial on Craigslist, I am already establishing phobia of deriving sample specimens from the internet. "On-line mate shopping" is just a bit disturbing for me, as this American culture stigmatizes any individual who remains single and uninvolved in a meaningless, waste-of-time relationship. Not the cool thing to do for gringos. So, I'm uncool.

#5. I discovered recently that I could be classified as "quirky-alone" but I think this label is negative and unrepresentative of my condition. So, I invented a new label called ISI, or Intellectually Self Indulgent. Which can partially mean "I am the slave to my own ideas, otherwise I would be the slave to others." My brain self-employs itself. My brain it its own boss of other parts of my brain. ISI is also known as the Jim Carrey Syndrome, which is defined by this approximate quote, "How can anyone be involved in a relationship when he or she is so in love with his/her own ideas?" Amen to that. At first ISI meant Intellectually Self Infatuated. But, uh, that sounds... uh... something that would go on a self-inflicting porn site, so we must change the lingo here. Intellectually Self Indulgent versus Quirky Alone is white versus black. "Quirky alone" is an "externalized label" / exterior perception of a "single" person. Intellectually Self Indulgent is an "interalized label" such that the person who is his/her sole piece is indulged in his her own scientific/artistic/infinitely creative construction of reality, and that it's a very colorful, fulfilling life. Quirky-alones seem to stand for socially dysfunctional homeless people off the streets of downtown San Francisco. If the inventor of Quirky-alone terminology is so adamant to create a singles-lifestyle-culture, she better make a more "positive and uplifting" label for her cult, not some stigmatic tone of psychological disorder. Sorry for being so opinionated, but it's just me :-)

Run-off points, as usual.

#6. Back to this Charlie guy off of Craigslist. I thought his name would bring good luck because I named my camera (Sony DVX 2100) Charlie (there's actually twins, one Charlie is camera D at the Film and Media Studies Department, and I have this Charlie at home). Charlie the camera is named after this plant I bought at the 99 cent store during my senior year at the College of Creative Studies at UCSB. I placed a tape on the plant pot that said "Charlie" and it also said "a metapopulation of independent apices" (quoting Bruce Tiffney). The thing that is so special about Charlie the Plant is that no matter how much I neglected it (which included low sun and close to no water), Charlie still managed to survive throughout the entire year. I am not going to ask how or why. I was actually pissed it would never die, becuase I don't like taking care of other living organisms. I actually chucked Charlie out in the front of my university apartment area... and I bet Charlie is so determined to survive he probably took root there, even though I made no efforts to dig a hole for him in the ground. So, yes, Charlie is a good luck name in its own absurd ways. Charlie off of Craigslist met me at a state of emotional uproar. I just found out I received two Cs for Blue Horizons film program and I lost 1450 on Craigslist for trying to buy a macbook pro computer. Charlie was so placid while I was bipolarly rambling, it was in part disturbing. Charlie said he was six feet tall. He lied. I am taller than him and I am 5'11.5" or maybe even shorter (gravity takes it toll over time, even on twenty-something-year-olds). I even felt GUILTY for lying to the DMV, that I was six feet tall. They even advocated that I do this for logistical purposes. They don't have enough place holders on the card for "5'11.5."" I have encountered several guys who have lied about their height and it drives me off the wall in a subliminal way. I am asking "why"? What's the point? What are you trying to prove? To whom? It seems like male-overestimation of height is just another chest-beating, ape-like, alpha-male practice. Sheesh.

#7. Dxmmit. I'm human and I need a hug sometimes, okay? Maybe that's why I look up Craigslist. I teased my dad one time, "How much do you charge for a hug?" Hugs are rare in my life. At one point at UCLA I went 6 months without a hug from anyone, and then I got hugs from my mom and my dad and I felt this strange tingled sensation all over my body, an immense release of built-up stress and anxiety I didn't know that otherwise existed. Primitive mammalian needs are just built into my system. Dxmmit. Then again, maybe that's why I love Mini, Lisa's and Kyle's new dog. I get hugs and licks from Mini once a day or once every other day, and it satisfies that stupid requirement of my primitive brain needing hugs to relieve anxiety. I hate being a mammal sometimes. Those stupid biological prerequisites for sanity....

#8. Internet and Dating. Hot topic in the news, eh? Hot topic for new movie twists, eh? Eventually, time must be devoted to an essay on the Philosophy of Human Communication and the Philosophy of Technology-Mediated Human Communication: Relationships in Altered Space and Time. There needs to be an extensive matrix comparing the different modes of communication (person to person, snail mail, email, phone call, internet chatrooms, etcetera), neutrally, positively, negatively, and why humans have a tendency to resort to certain modes of communication over other modes. Advantages and disadvantages of certain modes of communication. In this essay, I must not forget to mention about this new disease (which I partly possess) called ECP or ElectronoCommunicatiPhobia. And there needs to be some type of column or short paper on why I am anti-one-laptop-per-child, this imperialistic "non-profit" effort at MIT in which the leader feels that every child on this planet needs a laptop. To me, this is a chauvinistic effort to impose American lifestyle and culture onto the lives and cultures of other countries, which alters human communication regimes, maybe not necessarily for the net-good of anything. Studying human behavior to me is like studying how leaf cutter ants communicate. Simple as that. Ever since my own psychological disorder, I have been establishing a way on how to systematically deconstruct and reconstruct humans from an alien point of view.

Key Words: stigma, yahoo personals, N = 7, repetition, science fiction, mammal, Charlie, quirky alone, intellectually self indulgent, ISI, Jim Carrey Syndrome, lying about height, mini DV tapes, technology-mediated communication, electronocommunicatiphobia, ECP

113. Biologically Incorrect: The Body Count Attendee of University Guest Lectures

A Cartoon and Five Points.

#1. Above is an old cartoon / art piece I created during my time at UC Riverside, spring 2006.

#2. The Origins of Victoria's Cartooning. The free temporal niche space during a busy life of learning ecology / evolutionary biology / geology / environmental sciences was only during (a) a few boring undergraduate courses (e.g. a required "diversity" course during my senior year, which as a class on ecology and religion), and (b) a series of guest lectures for the UC Riverside Earth Sciences Department that had a mandatory attendance due to the small size of the department (and hence I was more of a "body count" rather than an intigued and engaged audience member) (though ironically, if the "body count" factor would have not been an issue, I probably would have gone to several of these lectures out of my own free will... *sigh*).

#3. In this particular geophysics lecture that featured some prospective candidate for professorship, this lady was by far superbly boring, outrageously technical and jargonesque, and to add the final stain of rust and force vector to make the whole ragged bike fall apart (this was no cherry added to the whipcream of a cake), ths lady had a chronic twitch on her shoulder, which placed me in this extreme mood of high anxiety for most of the talk. Not that I blame people for their internal biological issues--I have my own problems as well. It's just this case, this factor was the "tipping point" to my aggravation.

#4. What do you do when you reach a tipping point? Well, you need to dissipate the energy build-up either through (a) yelling or (b) doing something quasi-constructive, even though you are trapped in a certain location for... let's see... another 40 minutes. I chose (b) and in the back of the class, I slumped in my chair, observing her powerpoint slides, stripping the art components from the words of each slide, drawing the art components to form an impressionistic collage of random artistic geogphysics jargon. And Voila! Another piece of biological incorrectedness. My dad was at that lecture to, and one time I had to wake him up because he was snoring in the back of the classroom! (To remind you, my dad is a professor... snoring in the back of a guest lecture... and I thought I was bad). I showed him my artwork, and he busted up laughing, completely understanding my pain for sitting through that lecture when I could have been doing something productive with my own work.

#5. I think this would be a superb art series called "Biologically Incorrect: The Body Count Attendee of University Guest Lectures." All I would do is create an art series that involved conglomerations of random technical visual jargon of different fields. Great. I think this would fly. I have an idea in my pocket for a future to-do list.

Oh no, I have a couple of additional points. Oh well. This here represents run-off flow of ideas.

#6. There were a couple of "biological" components in the image: the back of Chris Rhinehart's head, top left), and the bottom of the bubble collage has two hands curved concavely toward each other, symbolizing how people were giving this lecturer an artificially enthusiastic round of applause... please... man... is this a joke?

#7. And back to the man theme of all this, the ultimate Ph.D. question for Biologically Incorrect is "What's the point?" and this applies very well here.

112. Biologically Incorrect Cartoon: Vic the Hermit Crab

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/r_rVaFKxUWuRBwnyT4kPiw?authkey=Gv1sRgCLrGqeuss_SV7AE&feat=directlink http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/Hpbf6ahnHhTRY3hXRNmaGg?authkey=Gv1sRgCLrGqeuss_SV7AE&feat=directlink I am anticipating that I am going to be cranking out quite a few blogs here. So my goal for each blog is to incorporate one or more pieces of "visual art" and state five inter-related points associated with this piece of art. As to whether I will follow this protocol very well, good luck to me. #1. Above is an impressionistic version of me, Victoria the hermit crab. I am in a state of hiding. I like to hide and pretend to be non-existent to others. So I can focus on maximal observation of the world around me. I like to hide by wearing my infamous oversized brown beanie. #2. Not to scare anyone away, but I have realized through my systematic training in acting and public presentation (over my last year leave of absence, 2006-2007), I have systematically developed Multiple Personality Syndrome. But do not worry! This is on purpose, intentional. Much like how Sacha Baren Cohen systematically developed and "flipped mental switches" or "shifting mental gears" into multiple characters (Ali G, Borat, and Bruno). Otherwise Sacha is a very quiet, benign, introverted character. I will further elaborate in a future blog, but to frankly state my intrinsic personality is introverted, highly observational, and sponge-like. Yet this personality can be very detrimental such that in the past it has led to several implosions and self-inflictions. So, in order to keep up with the inputs and outputs of ideas and actions within Victoria's mind and form, or basically... to find an outlet of self-expression, Victoria systematically trained herself into an extroverted state, which is rarely expressed (usually in front of the camera, regular photography and film, and usually in isolation). Wow, that was a long point. And one more subpoint. I am doing this because many scientists suffer from social and presentational dysfunction, and I just don't want to be another one of those.... That's another blog right there.... #3. Many people hide like I do. The more fashionable thing to do is to wear shades. Sunglasses. Either the regular ones or the now-trendy insect, bug-eyed glasses that people used to wear decades ago. I don't like wearing shades because most of them don't fit around my ears very well. #4. I created this cartoon in the fall of 2005 (upon returning to school from a year leave of absence and thousands of pages of writing), in which I declared that I was tired of hiding in my room and writing. #5. It's rare for me to draw a cartoon I like on the fly--I mean, on the first draft. I usually must go through a rough draft, and then after several erasings and pen-overlays later, a final draft. This was the first draft version, and though it's a bit sloppy, I like it. #6. Bonus point. Victoria analogizes herself to a hermit crab. Indication? Victoria finds a form of self-identification through comparison with other organisms, and not necessarily other humans. That's another blog topic as well. P.S. I am aware that I am switching from first-person to third-person. Well, this is a BLOG. There are NO RULES in blogging. So... I'll also declare my right to be Gramatically Incorrect!

111. Poem: Evolution's Design of Reality

I have a phobia of self acknowledgment
and self-expression of primality.
The consequence? Write a poem. Alleviate the pain. *sigh*

110. Goleta Beach Update Post AAAS Conference, Upcoming Interviews with Drs. Melinda Szaloky and Ed Keller

After the Art Sylvester interview a week-and-a-half ago, it seems like I've gotten in very good habits with this film. Blogs are coming easier. So are the conversations in our meetings. I just stopped by Dr. Sylvester's office and he agreed to help me a little bit with my application for an internship to SlateV / Slate Magazine this summer. I'll be applying to three science/media/policy internships this summer: (1) Conservation Magazine up in Washington, (2) Slate Magazine / Slate V in Los Angeles, and (3) the Union of Concerned Scientists in Washington D.C. I also have some backup ideas. I am desperate for some novel experiences this summer! I'm ready to fall off a log. I'm ready to rapidly evolve. I just hope with all my mind's heart one person takes me in! I'll do whatever it takes! It's important to set up a future career for myself after a Ph.D....

The day after I returned from AAAS in Boston (a future blog I shall write), Greenscreen met up at the usual Digital Editing Lab spot, and Lauren and Nicole announced that there would be two primary interviews left: (1) Dr. Melinda Szaloky (Film and Media Studies / Philosophy) will provide her views on Deep Ecology (and hopefully some perspectives on Kant--the ideas of beauty and sublime) this upcoming Sunday and (2) Dr. Ed Keller (Earth Sciences) will discuss his perspectives on Goleta Beach, which contrast in part with Dr. Sylvester (as of what I know). Dr. Keller seems to have a more hands-off managed-retreat approach and doesn't place value on preserving the park system. I agreed to help out with both interviews, in which one will be this Sunday afternoon and one will be next Friday. I have met both profs before, so I think that should help facilitate the process.

For Dr. Szaloky's interview, there are 4-5 main questions:

(1). What is deep ecology?
(2). How does deep ecology apply to everyday life, and to students at UCSB?
(3). How is the deep ecology perspective applied to the situation with Goleta Beach?
(4). What are the main value systems revolving around the management of Goleta Beach? And how do these value systems relate to deep ecology (question three, rehashed)
(5). What are your personal interactions/experiences/feelings about the Goleta Beach situation?
(6). In Film and Media Studies 183 (Films of the Human and Natural Environment), you discussed notions of "beauty" and "sublime" in Kant's readings. Do you have any comments on these perspectives as it pertains to Goleta Beach?

Okay, I added a sixth question. Fine! Lauren make a comment on how something should be said along the lines of "nature is not a playground." I'm not sure whether this is a deep ecology perspective. I'm not in entire agreement because if the outdoors were not a playground, the fields of ecology, evolution, earth sciences, and environmental sciences wouldn't exist in the first place. In the end, we field scientists are just a bunch of kids who want to go out and play in the mud! Unless the mud is too close to the lava of a volcano, the mouth of a shark, or the eye of hurricane Katrina (Hence, revealing my conservative adventurist perspective)!

I am not really a deep ecology person myself. I think the theory or philosophy is vague. There's nothing concrete about it. You can make anything out of it. It's just like how every person designs their own unique god or set of gods in their brains to cater to his/her personal needs. To be even more extreme, it's even as vague as global warming itself. The logic is so messy and loose, it all hurts my brain to think about it. The only thing that I am supportive about with deep ecology is that it's important to not approach environmental issues at a surface value, and that when you do go into thinking rationally about ecology, it's almost as if you are digging deep into a rabbithole, a matrix of sorts. That's about all I agree with, and I'll stop there :-). Otherwise the blogging monologue shall go on for near-eternity!

As for Dr. Keller's interview, I will be adopting the questions from Dr. Sylvester's shoot. It is best to stay as consistent as possible so that the questions can be aligned, and direct comparisons of responses can be easily set up... such as to ease Nicole's editing process. I should be meeting with Dr. Keller this Friday around 9am. I am hoping he will be inclined to create some drawings just as Dr. Sylvester did. I also want Dr. Keller to have a lot of input in terms of design of the shoot. After all, he has observed erosion of Goleta Beach much longer than I have, and he has much more geographic resolution to the region than I do. I hope he has suggestions about good outdoor places to conduct the interview, weather permitting.

It's funny to think that in the summer of 2000, Dr. Keller was one of the first professors I met at UC Santa Barbara. As a timid, naive undergrad, I asked him if I could volunteer in his lab, and unfortunately he informed me that year he was going to be on sebattical. Bad luck. Close to 8 years later, perhaps I have acquired enough reasoning tools in earth sciences to carry out a coherent dialogue on coastal geomorphology and management. A rare pat on the back for a continuous effort on expanding my brain! Then again, every single time I reflect upon where I am at in life, I never seem to be happy with myself. I always want more. I always need to do more. And when I look back at a pre-existing state of myself, I shake my head, in complete recognition of how "stupid" I was. It's almost as if my mind is addicted to learning new things, addicted to change. If I don't progress, I can't live with myself.... I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I could be addicted to worse things....

Alexios (director, primary interviewer) is returning this Tuesday from Greece. I don't know how it will be with Dr. Keller's shoot on Friday given he is there. Dr. Sylvester's shoot was the first pre-meditated interview and first visualization/interactive interview out of a handfull of shoots from fall and winter quarter, and I hope we can maintain the same consistency. Alexios is very spontaneous (which is not a bad thing, because it brings out a different character and structure of interview), but just to maintain consistency, I hope we can apply the pre-existing question list and visualization techniques that I posted from the previous blog.

Nicole the editor gave us some advice with interviews. With the upcoming ones, we have to make sure we have super audio, and urge the interviewer to state complete sentences. One- or two-liners preferably.

Other than that, we're working on getting Nicole an external hard drive for storing all the footage (there's not enough memory in the macs at the digital editing lab). There are two upcoming showings of the Goleta Beach film: (1) March 12 at the Isla Vista Theater and (2) March 18, which will be a larger environmental media event around Santa Barbara. As Nicole (the producer) stressed, the projects don't have to be "entirely complete" but as long as we have something to show, that shall be good. I'll try and cram a couple of days of editing with Nicole (the editor), but that will be all I can probably do.

Friday morning creeps up and I hope to get out all my internship applications out by then....

109. GreenScreen Goleta Beach: A Great Day with Dr. Art Sylvester!

Dr. Arthur Sylvester, photoshopped image from http://www.geol.ucsb.edu/faculty/sylvester/

Goleta Beach map, image from http://www.sbparks.org/Scripts/ParksDetail.asp?ParkID=4

Santa Barbara County, from http://www.househunt.com/

Santa Barbara County within California, United States, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Map_of_California_highlighting_Santa_Barbara_County.svg

Interview Questions, Page 1

Interview Questions, Page 2

Interview Questions, Page 3

Interview Questions, Page 4

Interview Questions PDF File: http://stokastika.googlepages.com/8.greenscreengoletabeach.pdf
Right now I am mentally exhausted (probably more from anxiety due to the upcoming AAAS conference), but I am so relieved that today's shoot for Goleta Beach Greenscreen went very well (or so I think!). It was the first time I was put in charge as the "interviewer" and also advising people what to do--like being the question-asker or frame the camera in a certain way, or check the sound, etcetera--and I feel stress the entire time because all summer of 2007 I was a solo film-maker and suddenly I have a crew of three other people, and oh gosh, I feel so sorry for them they have to put up with me! I don't like bossing people around, so every time I tell someone to do something, I try to make it more open-ended, like "this seems to be the best set-up, but adjust accordingly. I trust your judgment." or "Well, ask these set of questions, but if you have any questions in the back of your mind, please ask Dr. Sylvester!" or my "Well, I'm saying this but take-it-or-leave-it" trademark disclaimer about my giving advice. I must gloat and rave that my crew--"Ace," Noah, Aaron--was *spectacular*! We were all so well coordinated! I felt that moment where it's like you are an individual, but you collaborate so well in a group that the summation of the individuals creates a larger coordinated whole, like some type of functional super-organism. Not that I'm into Gaia or anything. But it's the first time I felt that way. Aaron was in charge of good audio, a camera on a tripod, and the more "distancing 3/4 body shot" of Dr. Sylvester, which also included his hand motions, and the aesthetics of Goleta Beach behind him. I already had a pre-existing interview, so Noah (very intelligent and opinionated individual [in a good way], I overheard him talking about the United States of Amnesia) got to ask the questions. I handed him the interview sheet and realized my priority was superb audio and video and I can't get that while simultaneously interviewing (without a tripod). And gxd forbid, I was not using a tripod. I was being as cautiously playful with the shots as possible. I know I messed up the first 4-6 minutes of audio of a 60 minute tape--the audio needs to be raised higher when edited in the computer for those few minuts--and I know I messed up in tiny fragments of where the camera was pointed in terms of visuals and where Dr. Sylvester was talking, but overall I think it was good material. At least we have 56 minutes of solid audio. Amen for my new audiotechnica shotgun mic I strapped down to my camera with a rubber band and bungee cord (old school, eh?)! And Ace? I found out retroactively he got a parking ticket that morning. That sucks! Ace came a little late because he was trying to assemble the boom pole and the shotgun mic. It ended up that the assembled contraption didn't work. Well, that's why I got the shotgun mic. Can never rely entirely on the Film and Media Department for optimal equipment. We already had enough audio difficulties this entire filming experience! Ace did some very creative B roll during the first part of our interview, and he was a much needed back-up interview camera when Dr. Sylvester was being the "weather man" for Goleta Beach coastal erosion, making conceptual diagrams on the white board I bought at Costco! Ace also accompanied me to Goleta Beach (we drove there in my dirty dirty dirty car... poor Ace and Dr. Sylvester!) and Dr. Sylvester gave us a quick ten-minute point-around just like he did to a local politician in terms of where all the key factors were located on the beach: (1) the new permeable groin, (2) the rock revetment, (3) the gas-lines and pipes, and (4) other minor issues about the park and the beach. It was a very good and brief orientation. Ace questioned me on partly chopping off Dr. Sylvester's head with my framing. I said it's a visual aesthetic technique that I do in photography and people do all the time in the magazines. That was a good question. I tried to do rule of thirds as much as possible, but I do admit sometimes my hands were shaking when holding the camera. I had to use my chest and rib cage as support. I was in pain and stiff after a while of doing that! Dr. Sylvester teased me, wondering why I didn't use the tripod in the first place! Well, first off, the Film and Media Department tripods aren't in the best of shape (they're giving us the tiny ones) and I have more room for creative motion if I just hold the camera. I can be more adaptive to the situation! So I'll sacrifice the pain for a creative picture any day!

And of course, Dr. Sylvester (seismologist, emeritus, Earth Sciences Department at UC Santa Barbara) was slick, smooth, clear, to-the-point, visual, and as usual--very lively, energetic, friendly, and approachable. I do admit--I love working with professors who have just started or are on the verge of being or are emeritus. Why? Because they have TIME on their hands. Their plates are not as full as those other profs. It's like they're real human beings, not machines working like they're on overtime in a factory of imprinting students' brains and cranking papers to get their tenures or promotions or whatever bureaucratic carrots these energizer bunnies are chasing after. I told my mom about Dr. Sylvester and she said she was very glad to hear that caring, intelligent, general-minded professors still exist in the university!

The shoot didn't go fully as what was planned in the question list and shot list I prepared, but it actually went even BETTER. At first I thought we were going to interview Dr. Sylvester in the office. It showed in my interview sketch, as I was just trying to create a controlled environment in my mind so we can clearly talk about the basics and not get distracted by outsider influences. But the day was so beautiful, so warm, and no wind... so we went outside to the Anacapa steps (the north end of the parking lot by the Marine Science Institute, also where Dr. Sylvester takes repeat photography) and did the main chunks of the interview all around there! Plus, it was Monday, so we didn't deal with a lot of student traffic; just a couple of surfers here and there. I think student beach-goers were discouraged simply because the tide was so high. The only major noise distractions we had were cars starting their engines. So... the order of the interview: (1) Noah asked very basic overview questions, (2) then more specific questions about Goleta Beach, related to visualization processes, (3) Dr. Sylvester did an in situ art gallery showing of his comparative photography of waxing and waning of UCSB beach, (4) then followed by Dr. Sylvester's coastal drawings of factors that make the beach and alter the beach structure when placing certain manmade features into the system, and (5) Ace and I accompanied Dr. Sylvester to Goleta Beach as he did a 10-minute pointing-here-and-there. Then we went back, picked up equipment, said thanks, went to Ace's car to drop off the technological baggage, heard from my friend Oscar, and were on our way to the weekly Greenscreen meeting (Monday's 1-2pm). I was there a short time, but it looks like I'll be pitching in ideas about how to edit value systems and sense of place portions of the film... and also it seems I am tentatively responsible for organizing the Dr. Ed Keller (a geologist at UCSB too!) interview as well. We'll for sure have similar methods and structures to the interview. It depends when Alexios will come back! When we were at the digital editing lab, I turned in the three tapes from the shoot today to Nicole Bulalacao (our new main editor!); it was a very, very rewarding feeling. I told her, "Oh boy! Nicole's our editor... we gotta give her some quality stuff! Transform drabby interviews into Saturday Night Live!" She laughed, and I sincerely hope she likes what she got!

To make a long story short, about a week ago I was going through post-turn-in-grad-school-applications-withdrawal, and I drove up to UCSB for the Greenscreen meeting. I was in there late. I plopped down, instantly found out that Alexios (main interviewer, director) had a family emergency in Greece, and then Nicole and Lauren (producers, organizers of the film) asked me if I wanted to do the interview with Dr. Sylvester next Monday. It was a very spontaneous response from my part, and I said, "okay!" I guess it was a case where a lot of heavy weight was dumped from my brain... freed up tremendously... and then instantly re-occupied with Goleta Beach matters, except this time, I'm deeper in the rabbithole with this film, much deeper than I thought! My mind started racing with all the pre-existing ideas I had and shared with the group but were never executed. I raced around, went to talk with Dr. Sylvester THAT DAY at his office in between 4-5:30, and he gave me the low-down with his website (check out his website above, underneath his photograph) and the situation of Goleta Beach from his perspective. And I coaxed him into the idea of drawing stuff. I told him I would make a question list that night (which I did), and I sent it to him. We then reconvened on Friday (I drove from Riverside to S-ba, accidentally missed Dave Panitz' course on website design due to traffic), and talked about what he thought of the questions.

Well to say in short, it's a very comforting feeling to talk to Dr. Sylvester. I feel like I'm right at home talking with my dad. They both practice comparative ground photography. They both listen to classical music. And both of their offices are packed with books and documents and maps and all sorts of funny bumper stickers and quotes. Not only that, Dr. Sylvester's main image on his website is of him surrounded in a field of poppies:. Ironically, my dad's current research us on historical wildflowers of California! I also felt at home because Dr. Sylvester had time to talk to me, like my dad gives me time... and LOTS of patience. Few professors have that kind of time to talk and think about big issues and ideas... and not rush you off so they can do the next thing. We even got into philosophical discussions about communicating science--like word choice, the notion of how much information to tell--enough to understand but not too much to bore, and even the idea of visualizing complex ideas, not dumbing down. By the end of our conversation on Friday, Dr. Sylvester informed me that his son-in-law Andy Bowers is in charge of an experimental media division of NPR called "SlateV" stationed in Santa Monica, and that the situation is so good and so hands-off and so breaking-habits-of-existing mass-media corporations, that it would probably be the best match for my situation in terms of a summer internship! I'm really excited and I'm most likely going to pursue such a rare opportunity!

By the time Monday rolled around (which is today), Dr. Sylvester and I were both very n-sync, like-minded, and very pre-meditated about the entire shoot. He actually provided a lot of feedback in terms of setup and backdrop (it turns out that Dr. Sylvester's had previous experience in getting interviews from news stations, like ABC Primetime!) And then the shoot happened, and voila, here I am, writing my little mind's heart out about how well it seemed to go! THE ONE LESSON I LEARNED ABOUT COLLABORATIVE PRE-MEDITATED INTERVIEWS IS THAT THE INTERVIEW YOU GET OUT OF IT TENDS TO BE A GEM. The interview may seem predictable and routine since it's pre-meditated, but it also challenges you to do even more spontaneous and weirder gutsy things on the shoot! I think with documentaries, it's probably good to do two interviews: one interview to document the intrinsic process of human spontaneity, and a secondary pre-meditated interview to generate concrete solidity in story-line and plot. Then merge both together, and presto! Maybe something that will work for Nicole to edit! :-)

I think I'm all written out, but I am glad I made it through this day. The first time of being in charge of a crew in a decentralized way. I'm so thankful for everyone! I just hope everyone else had just as much educational fun as I did! Now, I for sure shall take a nap!

108. Quote of the Day from Richard Minnich, my daddy... he he...

"It's all right.
It won't hurt my feelings.
I'll just cry."

In response to Victoria still being in Santa Barbara,
and potentially not going to Riverside for the evening.

107. Yesterday Was a Four-Year Reunion Between Dr. Armand Kuris and Vic, Song Called "Tails to Heads"

I suppose it was an Oprah-Winfrey moment. Why does television have to cliche-ify every single unique, meaningful human experience? Set the emotions aside, move on, do something about it... dumb, dumb emotions not good for science but needed because dxmmit I'm a human being (female, to make it worse), but overall I'm just glad I am still alive to come to the point to finally give Armand the 3 units I owed him. Or maybe it was 6. It was the evening of January 30, 2008, in between 5:30-6pm. Marine Science Institute, Armand's new office, formerly Kevin Lafferty's. It touched me so much to see my collage of invertebrates and parasites still up on the door. Goodness man, I thought some students were going to over-ride that work with something even more impressive. I looked at it, amazed it was still there, but then stepped back in disgust, realizing that I now have a Nikon D80 (over an archaic Olympus Camedia) and lots of photographic experience (awards, publication, and paid jobs), and well... the collage needs some major revamping. Tsk, tsk, tsk... I am in continual self-disgust of my own art. I suppose that means I'm evolving. Good sign....

I thought I was going to be graduated from CCS at that point, but I still don't feel graduated. I think I'll be stuck in CCS for the rest of my life. But I don't mind, because it's not a bad deal to be stuck in a world of people who allow infinite creative and intellectual freedom. I'm just wondering whether there are other CCS's in the world. I wish the whole world were one giant CCS. *Sigh.*

I wanted to show Armand and all those people from CCS and my UCSB undergraduate experience all the amazing things they have done for me, who've marked my mind (permanently) and shaped me up to who I am today... not that it's an impressive sight. But hey, I'm still alive, eh? I made nearly all my necessary mistakes out in the world the past four years (healthy intellectual outcrossing), and now I'm ready to focus and plug on through. I'm ready to be a specialized generalist at UCSB. I'm ready to work with all the people who rescued me in the first place. People who gave me a reason to believe in Authority--not "believe." Wait, this ain't religion here.... I don't go to UCSB to Question Authority, which I was forced to do at UCLA and UCR. I go to UCSB because it's the only place where I can Trust Authority and Question Reality. That would be a very nice bumper sticker for CCS UCSB: Trust Authority. Where can you do that nowadays, except here? And my dad. I trust him too.

Tails to Heads

There was a wound in my mind's heart

so deep

so sooo deep

There was a gloom I held so long

I could no longer keep

no longer keep

And all the Wiseones I thought I was shunned

I flipped the coin for them to become

what I build upon

I build upon

I build upon

I build upon

I flipped the coin from Tails to Heads

and I can now stand on their shoulders instead

of being in light of their darkness

time healed my mistakes, and so I confessed

Bandaids of distance no longer cured

and so I faced up to my pains of the past

and placed a sealed patch to rooted core

'til spacetime's logic no longer had gaps

intertwined

unrsolution

and solution

was resumption

to interact

to resume

to interact

continuum

to interact

bridgin' the gap....

And so my gaped fabric

now all stiched

and so my grungy

coined patch polished

To shine at last

durable from core

once darkness

to its tips

from tails to heads

tails to heads

tails to heads

from tails to heads

I reversed what they may have thought of me

and showed them who I am, can truly be

just another piece of your puzzle

the one you rescued... long, long ago...

From the current of self-destruction

stretching out your hand,

and you saw in me... some hope...

Some hope... tails to heads

tails to heads

tails to heads

hope never left

from tails to heads

hope never left

from tails to heads....

106. UCSB Blue Horizons Behind the Scenes: Students at Work (Former "Art" as "Evidence")

Helen is missing too!



UCSB Blue Horizons Collage, Behind the Scenes, Students at Work.
What was formerly a volunteer art project that I was planning on doing out of my own good will ends up being used as "show me the data" evidence for contesting a final grade in concern of contribution to the class--participation and collaboration.

[March 5 2008 Vic Retroactively Cuts out an Image and a Paragraph Due to Previous Misunderstandings]

Despite her absence during the last week, the following photocollages are solid evidence demonstrating Victoria Minnich's extensive volunteer PAing for three different final projects for Blue Horizons during the weeks previous to the final week (summer of 2007):

http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa109/stokastika/BlueHorizonsMariaDeOca080907/?start=all
Blue Horizons Behind the Scenes: Maria de Oca filming Dr. Kim Selkoe and the head chef of Elements Restaurant, Downtown Santa Barbara, California, August 9, 2007 "Santa Barbara Sustainable Seafood"

http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa109/stokastika/BlueHorizonsTamHuntDulceHannah072507/ Blue Horizons Behind the Scenes: film shoot with Tam Hunt, JD, Community Environmental Council, Dulce Osuna, Hannah Eckberg, Downtown Santa Barbara, California, July 25, 2007 "A New Wave of Energy" (Ocean Energy as Alternative Energy)

http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa109/stokastika/BlueHorizonsGeneralMiltonLove080307/?start=all
Blue Horizons Behind the Scenes: film shoot with Dr. Milton Love, Dave, Ben, Logan, Dr. Love's office, UC Santa Barbara, California, August 3, 2007 "Rigs-to-Reefs Issue"

The group photo was taken with "self-timer" on my Nikon D80 at Coal Oil Point Reserve around July 6, 2007. Students took a walk during our first social gathering at Dr. Constance Penley's house. Also missing from the image is Helen (besides Logan)!

My brain hurts thinking about this.... I am at a Starbucks in Camarillo and I'm trying very hard to hold back from crying....

105. Biologically Incorrect. Distant Manager Syndrome. Telephone Game of the Bureaucracy of Science. "This is How Shxt Happens"

Dr. Suarez, a scaling-law physiologist at UCSB, graciously allowed me to borrow his wonderful poem that was posted on his wall. Apparently, he retrieved a copy of this poem from a professor down the hallway of the building, but unfortunately he is now retired. *Sigh.* Dr. Suarez is a very pleasant, amusing character! I am glad to have finally met him!

104. A New Song Called Good Trouble, Inspired from a Vivid Conversation with Dr. Oran Young, Bren, UC Santa Barbara

Good Trouble

[chorus]

ah-goooood trouble

ah-goooood trouble

everything i thought

was a failure

the professor saw

ah-goooood trouble

everything i thought

was a disaster

the professor saw

goooood trouble

we need to experiment

we need some change

it may not work

but yet we tried

it's better than

staying the same

it's not by the books

but yet we tried

and shook all the static pain

[chorus]

i have some

properties

that may seem

quite quirky

in one place

that's negative energy

in another

it's thriving novelty

in one place

it's self-destroying

in another

it's breaking all boundaries

[chorus]

is there

a place for me

where i survive

spare my sanity

in the world's prison

to box your being

the freedom lurks

in the nooks and crannies

in the world's habits

down spiraling

the freedom reigns

in microcosmal humanity

[chorus]

[chorus]

It's amazing to think that two people can have two entirely different viewpoints of the same experiences! One professors views my years outside UCSB as a "failure" and an "inability to finishe" and another professor views my trials as experiences to learn and become more well-rounded! In the end, it's all relative. It's all a matter of perception.

103. Greenscreen: A Day of Filming at Goleta Beach, California

http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa109/stokastika/GoletaBeachPhotos011907/?start=all
Check out all the images in the link above (photobucket)!

I have been participating in Greenscreen for so long at UCSB, I feel ashamed that I have no tangible product for the experiences I have gone through thus far. Therefore, I decided to write a first blog. For all of those who do not know what Greenscreen is... it's not just a "green screen," or your neon Christmas wrapping paper slapped against a wall to make some whacko student film. Greenscreen is actually a new program at UCSB funded by the Coastal Fund (and perhaps a few other agencies) to produce student films in concern of regional environmental issues. There are three films going on: a mocumentary on development in the Gaviota coast, a "feature film short" about a student who goes psychotic after being brainwashed with global warming media, so psychotic that he starts to interact with talking fish (that, I think is a good plot to work with on such a film), and me? I am a part of the Goleta Beach project, which in part, when thinking about it, you can go a bit psychotic. Why? The situation is that Goleta Beach is a heavily recreated Santa Barbara County beach, but there are huge problems on how to manage it since the beach is chronically retreating. There are some folks who want to see "managed retreat" and other folks who are into more human-imposed visions of a landscape: dredge sand and create structures to keep the beach in place. It's kind of liking maintaining one giant backyard. One way or another, as Cheryl Chen (on the board of Coastal Fund) states, "it's a lose-lose situation." All possible outcomes will be costly and someone will get hurt. It's just a matter of who. So, it sucks. And those who want to do "managed retreat"--a more "natural" coastal geomorphological process--also give me a head ache, because the beach was in part MANMADE in the first place (after World War II, I believe). So, as I had to explain to the manager of the Java Jones coffeeshop this morning, I have to maintain a "healthy" interaction with the project, and not get too involved, otherwise I will go nuts and start seeing talking fish. Maybe in this case, the retreating sand will take me on a "magic carpet ride." I'm just going to enjoy the "circus" of perspectives, so to speak. What I am interested in all of this is the underlying logic structures and "cognitive mapping" systems of people involved in Goleta Beach. In addition, I need a social pill, and I need to maintain my camera skills... AND I need to take breaks from being in a room all day... so this is a superb outlet for me. In addition to that, it's also a huge learning curve for me in terms of the process on how to collaborate with a larger group of people. Production groups are like microcosmal government systems, and it's very interesting how the dynamics of individuals play out. As of now, I'm a field videographer... and quasi-responsible for sound. I'm slowly participating a bit more than I have before. My role is malleable and I can be happy placed anywhere, just as long as I am outdoors. But it came to a point today where I thought, geez... I've been following this for a whole quarter. You would think I'd have some "tangible product" to reflect upon my experiences thus far? Nothing really. So, today, since I had to leave around noon and would have been of no use for an interview that would have extended beyond noon... I decided to whip out my Nikon D80 and take pictures. I felt like, though I was part of a group, I had a sense of individualism and control, that I was observing and manipulating rather than being under the gun, all through occupying a cinematic niche space no one else was assuming responsibility for: photography. There I went, a fleeting happiness and spontaneity to document in still shots things you couldn't necessarily see or notice when making a film. Earlier there were some dolphins coming out close to shore, and Matt--a new, enthusiastic member of the team--came out with me to frantically prep my camera and take some shots. Though I had a quasi-telephoto lens, it was as close as I could get. That was a ticklish experience. In the images above, I took pictures of the crew at work, Ace and Matt working on setting up the steady cam, Alexios and Aaron filming, and typical beach sites: tractors by the pier, a more generic collage, and the grand finale collage: "Collision and Coexistence: the Boy, the Tractor, the Restaurant, and the Beach." Sounds like a title for an environmental soap opera, eh? I just made it up on the fly. After creating this collage and collection of photographs, I feel a little better about myself... that I have dumped some ideas from my brain, though it's loaded with so many more. It's a heavy weight for sure.

I wanted to say sorry to the crew if I was a stiff butthead this morning. Though I may be a scientist, I am a human, and I am entitled to emotions, and though school and personal life should be divorced, ultimately they interfere. I'll briefly go through a list of mental and physiological disclaimers right now: (1) I lost 1450 to internet fraud, but there is a good chance I will get the money back, (2) I'm going through crisis trying to apply to graduate school, and (3) I found two "C"s on my report card that need explaining--both parties will write a letter describing that the C reflects some other criteria and does not reflect the product of the work turned in, intellectual and creative capabilities, nor drive or motivation. I am flipping out because of this, and I need to talk to a few profs next week. So, since my life is pretty drab right now, I'm partly in panic mode, and I am sure it reflected on the beach.

Ace brought the materials from Keith, but unfortunately we were missing one piece: the adapter that connects the microphone plug of the camera to the XLR cable of the boom mic. Since I am a field scientist, I am entitled to exclaim, "Shxt!!!" I said to Lauren and Alexios, "If we don't have good audio, we have nothing." So I flipped out under the regime of my own words, and instantly decided not to shoot. Instead, I went foraging for the missing part. I ended up going in circles for a while, finally encountered a Circuit City, had to wait ten minutes for the store to open (at 10am), ended up talking to a cool landscaper guy named Kerry, and we breezed about technology and the downhill of society (which passed the time quickly), got pissed because Circuit City didn't carry the part I needed, zipped back to RadioShack off Fairview (they also opened at 10am), found the part (which was in awkward form, no need to explain...) and zipped back to the beach. By then I probably wasted 10 bucks of gas and the interview in the Beachhouse Cafe was about over. I felt detached and useless by that point, but Matt came along, and we started assembling equipment again. Lauren came back with more equipment (it turned out that she went foraging for sound equipment as well), and we further assembled a fully functional audio-video unit. By then, I felt like I was getting somewhere in life, but we had to wait for a while for Ace to assemble steadycam, which I do not know how to use. I am not against Ace or anyone, but I told Matt, "I'm a technological minimalist. I use what I need and nothing more." Implication: just hold the camera in my hands and hope that the basal "balancing" neuron structure in my brain is in good operation. As Dr. Legrady (an art professor at UCSB) quoted Einstein: "Reduce systems to simplicity, but nothing simpler." So, this morning, when we had no adapter, the system was too simple: it wouldn't work. When we had a steadycam, I felt we reached a threshold of technological excessiveness. It's a phenomenon I call "overtechnologization." Typical of human society. It's like we humans are ornate with technological make up. We could scrap quite a bit of it and still function. People can just shoot me in my mouth, but it's just what I think. But what I think doesn't matter, so I'll just shut up, but no one will read this anyway because I'm just one in six billion humans so in the end it doesn't matter so I'll just say what I want. So, whatever, okay?

I left around noon, in frustration, feeling like I got nothing done, didn't help too much except print out three papers for the interview questions, try to buy equipment that we never ended up using, assemble a camera-audio system I never got to operate, and then... 11:30 hits, I'm no longer good for the interview, so I just take pictures. I wanted tangibility really bad, so I photoshopped some images and wrote a blog. I feel in a better state of zen.

As for my previous experiences in Greenscreen, that is a blog of its own. I've been invovled in two or three other interviews or filming events (some indoors and some outdoors), and have attended the good chunk of meetings, in addition to participating in a course called Films of the Human and Natural Environment (with Dr. Janet Walker and Dr. Melinda Szaloky). At first, my existence in the group had been rocky and I didn't feel too wanted around, but things are smoothing out, and things are starting to have rewarding meaning. It takes time to develop meaning in things. As I have said before, being a part of a production team is a human experiment in designing micro-government regimes. It's like experimental modern tribalism, or something like that :-). Nicole (the head of Greenscreen) philosophically tweaked in the beginning of this quarter, changing it from authoritative style to decentralized and more malleable in terms of roleplay and say. I don't have enough energy to describe everyone on the team at this time. Each person is an interesting character with his or her own unique properties and background. As of this moment, I think I have exhausted my writing attention span.

So, if anyone reads this, and this person happens to be on Greenscreen Goleta Beach, sorry if I was a pessimistic tightwad (what does tightwad mean? I hope it's something bad) today. My life condition overall is not so good, and it reflected in my attitude. Nevertheless, this kind of experience can help snap me out of my ruts too. Help me slowly dust off my knees and move on.

P.S. I really enjoyed working with Matt today, with the audio and photography. He's the main person I interacted with. Matt has a super positive attitude and is very attentive and sharp. Superb qualities that are indicators of great success!

102. Random Poem "I Told You So"

I think my mind blew a fuse in the meeting today. It is too bad this blog is public. So, I must stay vague. I feel certain things but I don't want to hurt other's feelings. I wish I could say things freely and not experience consequences for them. But now being in a social group, I already feel constrained in terms of what I can say and do. At least I created a song today. Still not good enough for a pat in the back of productivity.

Is it right for me to say:

"I told you so, I told you so."

When I said the 'xact same thing

Nearly half a year ago.

Is it right for me to say:
"I told you so, I told you so."

When ultimately the people

Come, in time, to their own terms

Come, in time, to their own terms....

O my momma always told me

The Self's the only one you know

O my momma always pinned me

The Self's the only one you control....

So there's no use to play the boss

For the only way to connect the dots

Is the Self to come to terms

Is when the people'll ever learn

Is when the Self to come to terms

Is when the people'll ever learn....

In the freedom of their minds

They search the boundaries to define.

In the freedom of their minds

They sketch the borders an outline.

They search the boundaries to define....

I told you so.

I told you so.

I fold my arms.

I told you so.

But I've been burned.

I told you so.

When will they learn?

I told you so.

"I told you so"

Is just a ghost

Just my mind's ghost

But I say no.

I say no more.

I told you so.

I say no more.

I told you so....