291. "Rock" Song Expanded Two-Fold: Guitar Chords and Added Lyrics for Joseph and Michelle

"Rock" Lyrics. Main Page.
"Rock" Lyrics. Additional page. Experimental poetry and lyrics.

http://stokastika2.googlepages.com/onerocktomakeme.pdf

I worked fairly hard last night and this morning to make my "second" ever guitar-chord lyrics sheet. I also jotted down guitar chords for "where stuff comes from, where stuff goes" a while ago. It was a real privilege last week to be able to experimentally jam with Joseph and Michelle. I have been so absorbed in The Elephant and the Oak Tree that I have had an extremely hard time ripping myself away to write out the lyrics!

I have a feeling that music can add a dimension of diminished anxiety in my life as a graduate student!

119. Coastal Fund Logo Change at UC Santa Barbara, Fall Quarter 2007

Above is the progression of development of variations of a potential logo for UCSB's Shoreline Preservation Fund (SPF), now hereby called Coastal Fund (CF). I worked on this logo in the fall of 2007, maybe around October. Why? Well, it was a very rough time for me. I wanted to be a part of the Goleta Beach film project... and well, I received confrontation about it. Maybe it's because there were too many people involved. And I was deemed as "unreliable" and "not trustworthy." All these stigmas were derived from the Blue Horizons situation in which I was gone for a week at UC Irvine to finish my film in a distraction-free, non-creatively stifling environment. Everyone apparenty thought I dropped out of the course when I truly thought a friend of mine told the teacher that I was at UC Irvine. The lesson? Don't rely on third-party people. Direct communication is the best. This innocent action of working in privacy ultimately led to a giant miscommunication situation (which was recently resolved). Plus, I should have been enrolled in the Disabled Students Program (DSP), which I will be in the future. Then all my actions would have been legit. So, at that time in October of 2007 I was being pushed away from the Goleta Beach project. I eagerly volunteered my efforts but was chronically denied. I was humiliated in front of a pier at once point. I didn't feel wanted. Doesn't feel good at all. Especially for someone who's in no-man's land, trying to transfer schools.

So, what did I do? Create an alternative. I didn't want to work on the rock crab film yet. I wasn't mature for that. So, I went to Scott Bull and decided to try and do a film and logo for the Shoreline Preservation Fund. The film idea (though Scott Bull of CF was down for it) didn't follow through because the whole agency was going through upheaval... name changes... shifts in websites, etcetera. But a film will be for a later time.... I did design a logo though, which ultimately wasn't used. It's a great idea: abalone shell, layers of the land and ocean interconnected, bright and colorful, generic in meaning, but unique at the same time. The potential problem with the logo is that the agency is called "Coastal Fund," so at a bare minimum, you would expect a "coast" to be on the logo. *Duh* I'm slapping my forehead!

Scott Bull was complaining that their existing logo (the bright-colored oval with a tower) looked too much like a "cute school logo": it's site-specific to UCSB (the tower and the Channel Islands in the backdrop), but despite this drawback, the colors are so beautiful and the brightness reflects the level of energy and enthusiasm at UCSB. Scott needed something more generic and more "professional" because now SPF is an "established" agency now. Part of the "establishment": incumbency. Non-profit megafauna. I like it.

Then I saw the new logo, which is also above. At first I didn't like it. Disclaimer: I am going to be honest and brutal here. And I truly hope Scott Bull doesn't read this blog. Or if he ever does, he will be understanding that I am currently wearing an "art critic's hat." And in the end, my opinion doesn't matter too much anyway. I'm just one in six billion. So here goes the constructive criticism. My first adversive response to the logo was "Whoa. Talk about Corporate Environmentalism. The logo is as blah as elevator and store music, except visually not acoustically." But then, I realized that there is a Gaviota Coast design to it, but what's up with the seagull? To provide the indication that it's the coast? And the colors are so bland. The logo is generic but not distinctive, symbolic of all the necessary elements, but not clever. But, but, but... I understand. It does the job. The logo represents not just the UCSB coast, but any coastline... Anyway... Corporate environmentalism, what a concept.

My recent logo and postcard design for the Goleta Beach project went a lot better. People commented on the originality, but that's a different blog.

The basic protocol to logo design: (1) You meet the individuals and the agency / do research and experience the operations of the agency for a period of time to develop emotional attachment and drive (you cannot create meaningful art if you are not emotionally hooked) (2) You figure out the core values and purpose of the agency/individual, and you create elements that symbolize the values and purpose and goals of the entity (3) then you conglomerate the elements to make a simple logo that represents the gestalt of the organization or individual. I am not sure why, but I've been addicted to logo design since middle school. It's just something I did, out of my own will.

As for Goleta Beach stigmas and confrontations, all those things are in the past, settled. I wasn't allowed to ride on the boat, but afterwards I was allowed to be on the film crew for the Kristin Amyx interview (Goleta Valley Chamber of Commerce). Since then, I've been on nearly every single shoot. Nicole said we had great audio from the shoot and it was super that we used tripods. And the rest is history.

Stigmas slowly erase with time, but they don't wash away as fast as the pebbles in the surf zone. Human relations have their own lag times as well. In the end, we're all just giant atoms: positive attractions, negative repulsions, neutral reactions. Coexisting. Conflicting. We just operate at different scales and rates in space and time than the true atoms that are the core building blocks of our beings. Makes sense that it all scales out.

And as for the logo that I made above, that's in my back pocket, and it's free for me to use at a future time.

110. Goleta Beach Update Post AAAS Conference, Upcoming Interviews with Drs. Melinda Szaloky and Ed Keller

After the Art Sylvester interview a week-and-a-half ago, it seems like I've gotten in very good habits with this film. Blogs are coming easier. So are the conversations in our meetings. I just stopped by Dr. Sylvester's office and he agreed to help me a little bit with my application for an internship to SlateV / Slate Magazine this summer. I'll be applying to three science/media/policy internships this summer: (1) Conservation Magazine up in Washington, (2) Slate Magazine / Slate V in Los Angeles, and (3) the Union of Concerned Scientists in Washington D.C. I also have some backup ideas. I am desperate for some novel experiences this summer! I'm ready to fall off a log. I'm ready to rapidly evolve. I just hope with all my mind's heart one person takes me in! I'll do whatever it takes! It's important to set up a future career for myself after a Ph.D....

The day after I returned from AAAS in Boston (a future blog I shall write), Greenscreen met up at the usual Digital Editing Lab spot, and Lauren and Nicole announced that there would be two primary interviews left: (1) Dr. Melinda Szaloky (Film and Media Studies / Philosophy) will provide her views on Deep Ecology (and hopefully some perspectives on Kant--the ideas of beauty and sublime) this upcoming Sunday and (2) Dr. Ed Keller (Earth Sciences) will discuss his perspectives on Goleta Beach, which contrast in part with Dr. Sylvester (as of what I know). Dr. Keller seems to have a more hands-off managed-retreat approach and doesn't place value on preserving the park system. I agreed to help out with both interviews, in which one will be this Sunday afternoon and one will be next Friday. I have met both profs before, so I think that should help facilitate the process.

For Dr. Szaloky's interview, there are 4-5 main questions:

(1). What is deep ecology?
(2). How does deep ecology apply to everyday life, and to students at UCSB?
(3). How is the deep ecology perspective applied to the situation with Goleta Beach?
(4). What are the main value systems revolving around the management of Goleta Beach? And how do these value systems relate to deep ecology (question three, rehashed)
(5). What are your personal interactions/experiences/feelings about the Goleta Beach situation?
(6). In Film and Media Studies 183 (Films of the Human and Natural Environment), you discussed notions of "beauty" and "sublime" in Kant's readings. Do you have any comments on these perspectives as it pertains to Goleta Beach?

Okay, I added a sixth question. Fine! Lauren make a comment on how something should be said along the lines of "nature is not a playground." I'm not sure whether this is a deep ecology perspective. I'm not in entire agreement because if the outdoors were not a playground, the fields of ecology, evolution, earth sciences, and environmental sciences wouldn't exist in the first place. In the end, we field scientists are just a bunch of kids who want to go out and play in the mud! Unless the mud is too close to the lava of a volcano, the mouth of a shark, or the eye of hurricane Katrina (Hence, revealing my conservative adventurist perspective)!

I am not really a deep ecology person myself. I think the theory or philosophy is vague. There's nothing concrete about it. You can make anything out of it. It's just like how every person designs their own unique god or set of gods in their brains to cater to his/her personal needs. To be even more extreme, it's even as vague as global warming itself. The logic is so messy and loose, it all hurts my brain to think about it. The only thing that I am supportive about with deep ecology is that it's important to not approach environmental issues at a surface value, and that when you do go into thinking rationally about ecology, it's almost as if you are digging deep into a rabbithole, a matrix of sorts. That's about all I agree with, and I'll stop there :-). Otherwise the blogging monologue shall go on for near-eternity!

As for Dr. Keller's interview, I will be adopting the questions from Dr. Sylvester's shoot. It is best to stay as consistent as possible so that the questions can be aligned, and direct comparisons of responses can be easily set up... such as to ease Nicole's editing process. I should be meeting with Dr. Keller this Friday around 9am. I am hoping he will be inclined to create some drawings just as Dr. Sylvester did. I also want Dr. Keller to have a lot of input in terms of design of the shoot. After all, he has observed erosion of Goleta Beach much longer than I have, and he has much more geographic resolution to the region than I do. I hope he has suggestions about good outdoor places to conduct the interview, weather permitting.

It's funny to think that in the summer of 2000, Dr. Keller was one of the first professors I met at UC Santa Barbara. As a timid, naive undergrad, I asked him if I could volunteer in his lab, and unfortunately he informed me that year he was going to be on sebattical. Bad luck. Close to 8 years later, perhaps I have acquired enough reasoning tools in earth sciences to carry out a coherent dialogue on coastal geomorphology and management. A rare pat on the back for a continuous effort on expanding my brain! Then again, every single time I reflect upon where I am at in life, I never seem to be happy with myself. I always want more. I always need to do more. And when I look back at a pre-existing state of myself, I shake my head, in complete recognition of how "stupid" I was. It's almost as if my mind is addicted to learning new things, addicted to change. If I don't progress, I can't live with myself.... I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I could be addicted to worse things....

Alexios (director, primary interviewer) is returning this Tuesday from Greece. I don't know how it will be with Dr. Keller's shoot on Friday given he is there. Dr. Sylvester's shoot was the first pre-meditated interview and first visualization/interactive interview out of a handfull of shoots from fall and winter quarter, and I hope we can maintain the same consistency. Alexios is very spontaneous (which is not a bad thing, because it brings out a different character and structure of interview), but just to maintain consistency, I hope we can apply the pre-existing question list and visualization techniques that I posted from the previous blog.

Nicole the editor gave us some advice with interviews. With the upcoming ones, we have to make sure we have super audio, and urge the interviewer to state complete sentences. One- or two-liners preferably.

Other than that, we're working on getting Nicole an external hard drive for storing all the footage (there's not enough memory in the macs at the digital editing lab). There are two upcoming showings of the Goleta Beach film: (1) March 12 at the Isla Vista Theater and (2) March 18, which will be a larger environmental media event around Santa Barbara. As Nicole (the producer) stressed, the projects don't have to be "entirely complete" but as long as we have something to show, that shall be good. I'll try and cram a couple of days of editing with Nicole (the editor), but that will be all I can probably do.

Friday morning creeps up and I hope to get out all my internship applications out by then....

109. GreenScreen Goleta Beach: A Great Day with Dr. Art Sylvester!

Dr. Arthur Sylvester, photoshopped image from http://www.geol.ucsb.edu/faculty/sylvester/

Goleta Beach map, image from http://www.sbparks.org/Scripts/ParksDetail.asp?ParkID=4

Santa Barbara County, from http://www.househunt.com/

Santa Barbara County within California, United States, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Map_of_California_highlighting_Santa_Barbara_County.svg

Interview Questions, Page 1

Interview Questions, Page 2

Interview Questions, Page 3

Interview Questions, Page 4

Interview Questions PDF File: http://stokastika.googlepages.com/8.greenscreengoletabeach.pdf
Right now I am mentally exhausted (probably more from anxiety due to the upcoming AAAS conference), but I am so relieved that today's shoot for Goleta Beach Greenscreen went very well (or so I think!). It was the first time I was put in charge as the "interviewer" and also advising people what to do--like being the question-asker or frame the camera in a certain way, or check the sound, etcetera--and I feel stress the entire time because all summer of 2007 I was a solo film-maker and suddenly I have a crew of three other people, and oh gosh, I feel so sorry for them they have to put up with me! I don't like bossing people around, so every time I tell someone to do something, I try to make it more open-ended, like "this seems to be the best set-up, but adjust accordingly. I trust your judgment." or "Well, ask these set of questions, but if you have any questions in the back of your mind, please ask Dr. Sylvester!" or my "Well, I'm saying this but take-it-or-leave-it" trademark disclaimer about my giving advice. I must gloat and rave that my crew--"Ace," Noah, Aaron--was *spectacular*! We were all so well coordinated! I felt that moment where it's like you are an individual, but you collaborate so well in a group that the summation of the individuals creates a larger coordinated whole, like some type of functional super-organism. Not that I'm into Gaia or anything. But it's the first time I felt that way. Aaron was in charge of good audio, a camera on a tripod, and the more "distancing 3/4 body shot" of Dr. Sylvester, which also included his hand motions, and the aesthetics of Goleta Beach behind him. I already had a pre-existing interview, so Noah (very intelligent and opinionated individual [in a good way], I overheard him talking about the United States of Amnesia) got to ask the questions. I handed him the interview sheet and realized my priority was superb audio and video and I can't get that while simultaneously interviewing (without a tripod). And gxd forbid, I was not using a tripod. I was being as cautiously playful with the shots as possible. I know I messed up the first 4-6 minutes of audio of a 60 minute tape--the audio needs to be raised higher when edited in the computer for those few minuts--and I know I messed up in tiny fragments of where the camera was pointed in terms of visuals and where Dr. Sylvester was talking, but overall I think it was good material. At least we have 56 minutes of solid audio. Amen for my new audiotechnica shotgun mic I strapped down to my camera with a rubber band and bungee cord (old school, eh?)! And Ace? I found out retroactively he got a parking ticket that morning. That sucks! Ace came a little late because he was trying to assemble the boom pole and the shotgun mic. It ended up that the assembled contraption didn't work. Well, that's why I got the shotgun mic. Can never rely entirely on the Film and Media Department for optimal equipment. We already had enough audio difficulties this entire filming experience! Ace did some very creative B roll during the first part of our interview, and he was a much needed back-up interview camera when Dr. Sylvester was being the "weather man" for Goleta Beach coastal erosion, making conceptual diagrams on the white board I bought at Costco! Ace also accompanied me to Goleta Beach (we drove there in my dirty dirty dirty car... poor Ace and Dr. Sylvester!) and Dr. Sylvester gave us a quick ten-minute point-around just like he did to a local politician in terms of where all the key factors were located on the beach: (1) the new permeable groin, (2) the rock revetment, (3) the gas-lines and pipes, and (4) other minor issues about the park and the beach. It was a very good and brief orientation. Ace questioned me on partly chopping off Dr. Sylvester's head with my framing. I said it's a visual aesthetic technique that I do in photography and people do all the time in the magazines. That was a good question. I tried to do rule of thirds as much as possible, but I do admit sometimes my hands were shaking when holding the camera. I had to use my chest and rib cage as support. I was in pain and stiff after a while of doing that! Dr. Sylvester teased me, wondering why I didn't use the tripod in the first place! Well, first off, the Film and Media Department tripods aren't in the best of shape (they're giving us the tiny ones) and I have more room for creative motion if I just hold the camera. I can be more adaptive to the situation! So I'll sacrifice the pain for a creative picture any day!

And of course, Dr. Sylvester (seismologist, emeritus, Earth Sciences Department at UC Santa Barbara) was slick, smooth, clear, to-the-point, visual, and as usual--very lively, energetic, friendly, and approachable. I do admit--I love working with professors who have just started or are on the verge of being or are emeritus. Why? Because they have TIME on their hands. Their plates are not as full as those other profs. It's like they're real human beings, not machines working like they're on overtime in a factory of imprinting students' brains and cranking papers to get their tenures or promotions or whatever bureaucratic carrots these energizer bunnies are chasing after. I told my mom about Dr. Sylvester and she said she was very glad to hear that caring, intelligent, general-minded professors still exist in the university!

The shoot didn't go fully as what was planned in the question list and shot list I prepared, but it actually went even BETTER. At first I thought we were going to interview Dr. Sylvester in the office. It showed in my interview sketch, as I was just trying to create a controlled environment in my mind so we can clearly talk about the basics and not get distracted by outsider influences. But the day was so beautiful, so warm, and no wind... so we went outside to the Anacapa steps (the north end of the parking lot by the Marine Science Institute, also where Dr. Sylvester takes repeat photography) and did the main chunks of the interview all around there! Plus, it was Monday, so we didn't deal with a lot of student traffic; just a couple of surfers here and there. I think student beach-goers were discouraged simply because the tide was so high. The only major noise distractions we had were cars starting their engines. So... the order of the interview: (1) Noah asked very basic overview questions, (2) then more specific questions about Goleta Beach, related to visualization processes, (3) Dr. Sylvester did an in situ art gallery showing of his comparative photography of waxing and waning of UCSB beach, (4) then followed by Dr. Sylvester's coastal drawings of factors that make the beach and alter the beach structure when placing certain manmade features into the system, and (5) Ace and I accompanied Dr. Sylvester to Goleta Beach as he did a 10-minute pointing-here-and-there. Then we went back, picked up equipment, said thanks, went to Ace's car to drop off the technological baggage, heard from my friend Oscar, and were on our way to the weekly Greenscreen meeting (Monday's 1-2pm). I was there a short time, but it looks like I'll be pitching in ideas about how to edit value systems and sense of place portions of the film... and also it seems I am tentatively responsible for organizing the Dr. Ed Keller (a geologist at UCSB too!) interview as well. We'll for sure have similar methods and structures to the interview. It depends when Alexios will come back! When we were at the digital editing lab, I turned in the three tapes from the shoot today to Nicole Bulalacao (our new main editor!); it was a very, very rewarding feeling. I told her, "Oh boy! Nicole's our editor... we gotta give her some quality stuff! Transform drabby interviews into Saturday Night Live!" She laughed, and I sincerely hope she likes what she got!

To make a long story short, about a week ago I was going through post-turn-in-grad-school-applications-withdrawal, and I drove up to UCSB for the Greenscreen meeting. I was in there late. I plopped down, instantly found out that Alexios (main interviewer, director) had a family emergency in Greece, and then Nicole and Lauren (producers, organizers of the film) asked me if I wanted to do the interview with Dr. Sylvester next Monday. It was a very spontaneous response from my part, and I said, "okay!" I guess it was a case where a lot of heavy weight was dumped from my brain... freed up tremendously... and then instantly re-occupied with Goleta Beach matters, except this time, I'm deeper in the rabbithole with this film, much deeper than I thought! My mind started racing with all the pre-existing ideas I had and shared with the group but were never executed. I raced around, went to talk with Dr. Sylvester THAT DAY at his office in between 4-5:30, and he gave me the low-down with his website (check out his website above, underneath his photograph) and the situation of Goleta Beach from his perspective. And I coaxed him into the idea of drawing stuff. I told him I would make a question list that night (which I did), and I sent it to him. We then reconvened on Friday (I drove from Riverside to S-ba, accidentally missed Dave Panitz' course on website design due to traffic), and talked about what he thought of the questions.

Well to say in short, it's a very comforting feeling to talk to Dr. Sylvester. I feel like I'm right at home talking with my dad. They both practice comparative ground photography. They both listen to classical music. And both of their offices are packed with books and documents and maps and all sorts of funny bumper stickers and quotes. Not only that, Dr. Sylvester's main image on his website is of him surrounded in a field of poppies:. Ironically, my dad's current research us on historical wildflowers of California! I also felt at home because Dr. Sylvester had time to talk to me, like my dad gives me time... and LOTS of patience. Few professors have that kind of time to talk and think about big issues and ideas... and not rush you off so they can do the next thing. We even got into philosophical discussions about communicating science--like word choice, the notion of how much information to tell--enough to understand but not too much to bore, and even the idea of visualizing complex ideas, not dumbing down. By the end of our conversation on Friday, Dr. Sylvester informed me that his son-in-law Andy Bowers is in charge of an experimental media division of NPR called "SlateV" stationed in Santa Monica, and that the situation is so good and so hands-off and so breaking-habits-of-existing mass-media corporations, that it would probably be the best match for my situation in terms of a summer internship! I'm really excited and I'm most likely going to pursue such a rare opportunity!

By the time Monday rolled around (which is today), Dr. Sylvester and I were both very n-sync, like-minded, and very pre-meditated about the entire shoot. He actually provided a lot of feedback in terms of setup and backdrop (it turns out that Dr. Sylvester's had previous experience in getting interviews from news stations, like ABC Primetime!) And then the shoot happened, and voila, here I am, writing my little mind's heart out about how well it seemed to go! THE ONE LESSON I LEARNED ABOUT COLLABORATIVE PRE-MEDITATED INTERVIEWS IS THAT THE INTERVIEW YOU GET OUT OF IT TENDS TO BE A GEM. The interview may seem predictable and routine since it's pre-meditated, but it also challenges you to do even more spontaneous and weirder gutsy things on the shoot! I think with documentaries, it's probably good to do two interviews: one interview to document the intrinsic process of human spontaneity, and a secondary pre-meditated interview to generate concrete solidity in story-line and plot. Then merge both together, and presto! Maybe something that will work for Nicole to edit! :-)

I think I'm all written out, but I am glad I made it through this day. The first time of being in charge of a crew in a decentralized way. I'm so thankful for everyone! I just hope everyone else had just as much educational fun as I did! Now, I for sure shall take a nap!

103. Greenscreen: A Day of Filming at Goleta Beach, California

http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa109/stokastika/GoletaBeachPhotos011907/?start=all
Check out all the images in the link above (photobucket)!

I have been participating in Greenscreen for so long at UCSB, I feel ashamed that I have no tangible product for the experiences I have gone through thus far. Therefore, I decided to write a first blog. For all of those who do not know what Greenscreen is... it's not just a "green screen," or your neon Christmas wrapping paper slapped against a wall to make some whacko student film. Greenscreen is actually a new program at UCSB funded by the Coastal Fund (and perhaps a few other agencies) to produce student films in concern of regional environmental issues. There are three films going on: a mocumentary on development in the Gaviota coast, a "feature film short" about a student who goes psychotic after being brainwashed with global warming media, so psychotic that he starts to interact with talking fish (that, I think is a good plot to work with on such a film), and me? I am a part of the Goleta Beach project, which in part, when thinking about it, you can go a bit psychotic. Why? The situation is that Goleta Beach is a heavily recreated Santa Barbara County beach, but there are huge problems on how to manage it since the beach is chronically retreating. There are some folks who want to see "managed retreat" and other folks who are into more human-imposed visions of a landscape: dredge sand and create structures to keep the beach in place. It's kind of liking maintaining one giant backyard. One way or another, as Cheryl Chen (on the board of Coastal Fund) states, "it's a lose-lose situation." All possible outcomes will be costly and someone will get hurt. It's just a matter of who. So, it sucks. And those who want to do "managed retreat"--a more "natural" coastal geomorphological process--also give me a head ache, because the beach was in part MANMADE in the first place (after World War II, I believe). So, as I had to explain to the manager of the Java Jones coffeeshop this morning, I have to maintain a "healthy" interaction with the project, and not get too involved, otherwise I will go nuts and start seeing talking fish. Maybe in this case, the retreating sand will take me on a "magic carpet ride." I'm just going to enjoy the "circus" of perspectives, so to speak. What I am interested in all of this is the underlying logic structures and "cognitive mapping" systems of people involved in Goleta Beach. In addition, I need a social pill, and I need to maintain my camera skills... AND I need to take breaks from being in a room all day... so this is a superb outlet for me. In addition to that, it's also a huge learning curve for me in terms of the process on how to collaborate with a larger group of people. Production groups are like microcosmal government systems, and it's very interesting how the dynamics of individuals play out. As of now, I'm a field videographer... and quasi-responsible for sound. I'm slowly participating a bit more than I have before. My role is malleable and I can be happy placed anywhere, just as long as I am outdoors. But it came to a point today where I thought, geez... I've been following this for a whole quarter. You would think I'd have some "tangible product" to reflect upon my experiences thus far? Nothing really. So, today, since I had to leave around noon and would have been of no use for an interview that would have extended beyond noon... I decided to whip out my Nikon D80 and take pictures. I felt like, though I was part of a group, I had a sense of individualism and control, that I was observing and manipulating rather than being under the gun, all through occupying a cinematic niche space no one else was assuming responsibility for: photography. There I went, a fleeting happiness and spontaneity to document in still shots things you couldn't necessarily see or notice when making a film. Earlier there were some dolphins coming out close to shore, and Matt--a new, enthusiastic member of the team--came out with me to frantically prep my camera and take some shots. Though I had a quasi-telephoto lens, it was as close as I could get. That was a ticklish experience. In the images above, I took pictures of the crew at work, Ace and Matt working on setting up the steady cam, Alexios and Aaron filming, and typical beach sites: tractors by the pier, a more generic collage, and the grand finale collage: "Collision and Coexistence: the Boy, the Tractor, the Restaurant, and the Beach." Sounds like a title for an environmental soap opera, eh? I just made it up on the fly. After creating this collage and collection of photographs, I feel a little better about myself... that I have dumped some ideas from my brain, though it's loaded with so many more. It's a heavy weight for sure.

I wanted to say sorry to the crew if I was a stiff butthead this morning. Though I may be a scientist, I am a human, and I am entitled to emotions, and though school and personal life should be divorced, ultimately they interfere. I'll briefly go through a list of mental and physiological disclaimers right now: (1) I lost 1450 to internet fraud, but there is a good chance I will get the money back, (2) I'm going through crisis trying to apply to graduate school, and (3) I found two "C"s on my report card that need explaining--both parties will write a letter describing that the C reflects some other criteria and does not reflect the product of the work turned in, intellectual and creative capabilities, nor drive or motivation. I am flipping out because of this, and I need to talk to a few profs next week. So, since my life is pretty drab right now, I'm partly in panic mode, and I am sure it reflected on the beach.

Ace brought the materials from Keith, but unfortunately we were missing one piece: the adapter that connects the microphone plug of the camera to the XLR cable of the boom mic. Since I am a field scientist, I am entitled to exclaim, "Shxt!!!" I said to Lauren and Alexios, "If we don't have good audio, we have nothing." So I flipped out under the regime of my own words, and instantly decided not to shoot. Instead, I went foraging for the missing part. I ended up going in circles for a while, finally encountered a Circuit City, had to wait ten minutes for the store to open (at 10am), ended up talking to a cool landscaper guy named Kerry, and we breezed about technology and the downhill of society (which passed the time quickly), got pissed because Circuit City didn't carry the part I needed, zipped back to RadioShack off Fairview (they also opened at 10am), found the part (which was in awkward form, no need to explain...) and zipped back to the beach. By then I probably wasted 10 bucks of gas and the interview in the Beachhouse Cafe was about over. I felt detached and useless by that point, but Matt came along, and we started assembling equipment again. Lauren came back with more equipment (it turned out that she went foraging for sound equipment as well), and we further assembled a fully functional audio-video unit. By then, I felt like I was getting somewhere in life, but we had to wait for a while for Ace to assemble steadycam, which I do not know how to use. I am not against Ace or anyone, but I told Matt, "I'm a technological minimalist. I use what I need and nothing more." Implication: just hold the camera in my hands and hope that the basal "balancing" neuron structure in my brain is in good operation. As Dr. Legrady (an art professor at UCSB) quoted Einstein: "Reduce systems to simplicity, but nothing simpler." So, this morning, when we had no adapter, the system was too simple: it wouldn't work. When we had a steadycam, I felt we reached a threshold of technological excessiveness. It's a phenomenon I call "overtechnologization." Typical of human society. It's like we humans are ornate with technological make up. We could scrap quite a bit of it and still function. People can just shoot me in my mouth, but it's just what I think. But what I think doesn't matter, so I'll just shut up, but no one will read this anyway because I'm just one in six billion humans so in the end it doesn't matter so I'll just say what I want. So, whatever, okay?

I left around noon, in frustration, feeling like I got nothing done, didn't help too much except print out three papers for the interview questions, try to buy equipment that we never ended up using, assemble a camera-audio system I never got to operate, and then... 11:30 hits, I'm no longer good for the interview, so I just take pictures. I wanted tangibility really bad, so I photoshopped some images and wrote a blog. I feel in a better state of zen.

As for my previous experiences in Greenscreen, that is a blog of its own. I've been invovled in two or three other interviews or filming events (some indoors and some outdoors), and have attended the good chunk of meetings, in addition to participating in a course called Films of the Human and Natural Environment (with Dr. Janet Walker and Dr. Melinda Szaloky). At first, my existence in the group had been rocky and I didn't feel too wanted around, but things are smoothing out, and things are starting to have rewarding meaning. It takes time to develop meaning in things. As I have said before, being a part of a production team is a human experiment in designing micro-government regimes. It's like experimental modern tribalism, or something like that :-). Nicole (the head of Greenscreen) philosophically tweaked in the beginning of this quarter, changing it from authoritative style to decentralized and more malleable in terms of roleplay and say. I don't have enough energy to describe everyone on the team at this time. Each person is an interesting character with his or her own unique properties and background. As of this moment, I think I have exhausted my writing attention span.

So, if anyone reads this, and this person happens to be on Greenscreen Goleta Beach, sorry if I was a pessimistic tightwad (what does tightwad mean? I hope it's something bad) today. My life condition overall is not so good, and it reflected in my attitude. Nevertheless, this kind of experience can help snap me out of my ruts too. Help me slowly dust off my knees and move on.

P.S. I really enjoyed working with Matt today, with the audio and photography. He's the main person I interacted with. Matt has a super positive attitude and is very attentive and sharp. Superb qualities that are indicators of great success!