300. Shelly Lowenkopf's Lion's Den Montecito Writer's Group First Response to "The Elephant and the Oak Tree"

Below is a CUT AND PASTE from this PDF document:

http://stokastika2.googlepages.com/shellylowenkopfEOT.pdf.

I received heavy critique. But that is actually VERY good. Much better than APATHY.

Basically, the onset of the quarter system has forced me to let go of the story and freely present it. I am glad in part. I just let go, and said who cares? How can people critique me on a description of simultaneous depression, panic attack, bipolar disorder, obsession-compulsion, and overall emotional chaos? They will read it and take it for what it is—it is what I experienced, and no one can say it’s the truth or a lie. No one can say it’s right or wrong, but they will have to take it for what it is. I experienced this, and no one can take this away from me. So, in the end, I had to tell the audience (so I could read my story) Fxck this! I don’t care how you think, because no one can take away what I have experienced.

Though I felt that I read the story to the group more sloppily and stoically than I would like, but I had to distance myself. I read it emotionally devoid. I also had to read it fast because it was a long 12 pages.

So? It wasn’t clear how Shelly was taking it. But everyone seemed shocked, somber, and a little bit like “oh my god” at the end. “Stunned” is perhaps the best word. Like what the hxll is this? It left people very agitated in multiple directions. And that is good. I am taking the writers group in directions they would have never imagined. For example, What is the perception of reality from an ant’s? Would an ant call it an appendage or a shoulder or an arm? And Christina Allison said, these are bio-philosophical questions that there are no answers for. Yes, we are getting that deep.

In the end, Shelly told me that he is viewing the story as a “struggle of a genius.” Shelly is now reading the story is describing the world into the mind of the genius, who borders sanity and insanity. Reality of the world inside versus reality of the world outside. I could cry right now. Shelly sees it. Shelly sees it! Shelly said in the end—though it wasn’t clear during the discussion—that this round I need to write the story THE WAY HOW I NEED TO, to fully manifest what the story is. And the second round, people can stab at it and take what they want out of it. they can strip the layers and simplify it so they become satisfied with an overall message. Shelly fully respects and appreciates it.

I read the first 12 pages to Hector the day before. He liked it a lot and said this will make an interesting story. A very intense story, but I have to cut down on adjectives quite a bit. I will have to cut down on the language.

BOLDLY VENTURING to WHERE WRITERS GROUPS HAVE NEVER GONE BEFORE… I started to realize that not only am I reading and getting critiqued, I am actually teaching a writers group a lot about biology and how biology has allowed me to somewhat attempt to venture into the mind of an ant, an ant with very human characters, I am taking the writers group to very strange places…

284. A Monumental Day in Multiple Different Ways: The Gaffer, The Band Practice, and the Rock Obsession at Shelly Lowenkopf's Lions Den (Meeting 3)

Today, through my good friend Joseph Gallo (amazing professional writer, poet, actor, etcetera), I met a very interesting man by the name of Frank. He is a gaffer (lighting guy) for the big movies of Hollywood. He is also a cinematographer. Frank also reminds me of the famous French actor, Gerard Depardieu. It ended up we both lived in Riverside in our early lives and he went to Poly High School while I went to the rival ghetto school of North.

Frank basically summarized "the big picture" in perhaps less than 5 minutes. I told him next time you tell the big picture to me in front of my film camera (Sony DVX 2100). He thought about the condition of the Great Apes (meaning we humans). The Earth wasn't really dying. It is just that humans are creating Earthly conditions that are uninhabitable to themselves. The Earth doesn't give a shxt about us. He also said that the core problem of Planet Earth is population. Replication. Humans and family planning. All other problems--environmental pollution, resource quality and scarcity, diseases, disasters--are just symptoms. The best part (and the worst part for everyone who wants to make money) is that family planning--the most important element of your life--is free. And it takes a 63.5 year lag time to solve the problem (because 63.5 years is the average human life span across the globe). And the goal is to have a planet about 2 billion perhaps, some number that was mentioned from research at UC Santa Barbara.

(I just had a flashback of Seth in boonies of Nevada stating, "The bad news is that humankind is going to hxll. The good news is that the Earth will be a much better place after we become extinct.")

I stared at Frank in simultaneous glee and sadness. Frank figured everything out and schpealed it out in less than five minutes. Frank doesn't have a Ph.D. He is a creative Hollywood cinematographer and lighting guy. And the worst part is that probably most of the reductionist scholars of the university--the ones who study the symptoms (e.g. environmental pollution, diseases, disasters)--would probably stare at him blankly. All I wanted to do is just film Frank. Just him spill it to the camera. His simplicity and beauty and parsimony in logic. To show that Frank, an intelligent human being, without a blah-blah Fud credential from the university, could just see through the bullshxt *bam* like that. I just wanted to show the world about how real humans think about this stuff. Politicians don't even see reality this way. I am so happy to have met Frank, but so sad to realize that the vast majority of the rest of the world is not Frank.

I further followed up with Frank and Joseph explaining to them that I am going to write in Fall quarter a theatrical script (80% science and 20% fiction), called "Towards a Philosophy of Scale: Reconstructing Life, Earth, Humans, and Environment with Some Legoes" or "An Ecology of Size: How to Reconstruct Life on Earth with Some Legoes." It is important to have Legoes in the title to make it appealing and amusing to a wider audience than... someone in the bio or an enviro department. I am making an argument that the human value system and perception of good and bad shifts with scale. One human taking a shxt in the forest is okay. Six billion humans taking a shxt in the forest is not okay. See? It' s an argument. I don't need to collect data on this. It's buried everywhere. So there is a gradient of good to bad as the magnitude of the system shifts. In addition, I will make an argument that a 6-billion ingroup may be physically sustainable through technological aids, but not psychologically graspable, therefore not mentally sustainable.

There were about three times today I wanted to film Frank and Joseph. They were at each others' throats in very playful ways!

The second amazing thing that happened to me was my first ever "official" quasi-band practice. I had been searching and dreaming that one day I would no longer practice and record my music alone and I would have a team of creative intellectuals around me to share music and singing. Michelle (a music and art school teacher), Joseph, and Frank ALL had guitars. I mean I was SWAMPED with guitars. Amazing! I have been praying (to the Allmighty Grizzleback Snickerhog) to find a group of creative intellectuals who actually care about what I care about. And then suddenly, here we are, a few blocks away from the beach at an artist studio complex in Carpinteria. Like *poof* magic! You keep searching and searching for something and when you least expect to find it, there you are. Your wish unfolds before you on a golden plate (not that golden plates are good either). All I need to do is become accustomed with a few songs they play and I can play chords and be a human arpeggiator on the piano--not to mention bang on the drums--and THAT'S IT. The goal is to play songs that are down to earth and depressing. Because all they play in the grocery stores is empty, happy-peppy music. Definitely my cup of tea. I am coming to learn and appreciate there is great poetry in older songs--Beatles era material. There are still very deep songwriters out there but they're all smashed out by megacorporatism. Amazing.

The other event that happened is that I played my sketch piano tune "Rock" for Joseph, Michelle, and Frank... and they actually LIKED IT. At first Joseph said, hmmm, this sounds familiar. And I said, really? And he thought a little more... and then I admitted that I made it up. I guess it was a very catchy tune. Even my friend Oscar Flores liked the tune. We were both messing around at a Costco one night with the piano and a karaoke machine, and I whacked that song out. So, this is good. It's the next song I want to record. Soon enough... I hope.... I will probably need a CCS room for a few hours to get a clean recording....

To make it even more ironic.... I created the song "Rock" from three sources: (1) my geology field trip experience with Seth and Joe (former UC Riverside graduate students) out in the boonies of Nevada, (2) my overall good, but partially turmoiling relationship with my mother, and (3) the dilemma of managing Goleta Beach: place a permeable pier piling or allow more "natural" erosion. I finished the lyrics of the song in February of 2008, only to receive a lack of response from the Goleta Beach team. Then, all in one day, I receive an overwhelming positive, influential response from the band of vocalists and guitar players... as well as the Lion's Den Montecito Writers Group with Shelly Lowenkopf! I guess it's all a matter of finding the right audience. Wow. The university had an emotionally dead response. The literary critics and artists were raving with excitement. Hmmm. Maybe it's good I am networked in the community.

"This girl is going somewhere. I don't know where, but she is going somewhere." That is how Joseph introduced me to Frank. That is a very accurate description of me. I guess Joseph knows me very well.

I realized I can never break ties with the university. I will always need to stay. The university to me symbolizes infinity and I need to stay in a place of infinity. Once I go out into the world, I start feeling like I am hitting dead ends and only small corners of the universe. I have come to realize that my true role is to be tied to the university with my fingers extending all over the community. I am research and outreach. Period. That is where I belong.

The third major event of today was my attendance of Shelly Lowenkopf's Writers Group for the third time. I am so fortunate to carpool with my neighbor and friend, Hector Javkin, a Linguistics Guru. I haven't told Hector this, but I consider Hector and his wife, Katia, essentially as my "intellectual uncle and aunt." They treat me like family. I feel like I have bonded more deeply with Hector and Katia than many of my family members. We mostly share writing and photography, but when you share writing with anyone, you are connecting with the deepest of one's inner being. It's even deeper than seeing a shrink. Through writers groups I felt I have found the core essence of human existence and human "spirit." You truly come to know a person through their writing.

Anyhow, enough of thankfulness (but I can't help thanking Hector and Katia enough!), I announced to the group today (I was second reader) that I shifted gears from Myth of Sisyphus (the poem I read last time that people STILL referred to this time, wow) and informed the group that I was in the process of writing "The Elephant and the Oak Tree" short story ending up to be a novella. I said I am in the middle of writing and since I am so emotionally attached, I will not read until I am done (sometime this week). So instead, I brought a poem called "Rock." I pardoned myself and said that I am sorry I have been obsessing over rocks as of late and I promise it's just a phase. I also explained about where the poem came from. I read the song to the rather large group today (I met a new member, Valerie, Penny was off to Italy, lucky her) (I did not sing it to the writers group, though I told Frank that the music industry is depressing, they are into making tracks and music trills but no music with thoughtful lyrics, I need to go to writers groups to get literary critiques of my music, ironically). This song is so OLD in me, that I was must emotionally over it. But to my surprise, I had raving responses from EVERYONE in the group. Shelly said, first of all, that I should NOT pardon and excuse myself for being obsessed with rocks and that I should go with it, because no one is really doing this. Shelly said that this poem should go with my Myth of Sisyphus short story collection (psychological adventures, so to speak) because it fits beautifully with this philosophical obsessionary phase with rocks. That my writing is actually going somewhere. He even came up to me and gave me a moral boost after class! (insert: I just found out that he called this poem like an epigram, or can be transformed into an epigram, which I just found out that it is a short peom often with a clever twist in the end or a concisde and witty statement, I thought epigram was some kind of lie detector test, ha ha). (I told Hector how my taking a year off to write Question Reality, it had never been the same to take science classes, I was transforming my newly acquired geologic knowledge into poetry, and I was shocked with my own brain!). Though I don't feel I am emotionally grasping this response to it's entirety, I am SO amazed that everyone at the table was tossing out tons of positive ideas for ten or more minutes, while I was frantically taking notes. Here are some notes below, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER.

**reminds of poem by William Blake, "Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright" (I just read it and it's quite a bit religious overtone on who's the Immortal Guy who designed such an immense creature, I myself have no religion in my writing) (coming to think about it, Shelly's writer's group is VERY SECULAR, all intellectuals, real-world, and non religious blah blah blah, which makes your brain all hyperassociative in a non-real-world way... most of the time)
**make the rock "more specific" igneus or metamorphic or sedimentary, facets, plains, cleavage
**what do YOU want to get out of the rock, take the rock poem BEYOND Goleta Beach, the more "cosmic" stuff (I made the poem unresolved because Goleta Beach is a lose-lose situation, and I also made the poem as a human talking to a rock, an inanimate object, even giving it human qualities, the human doesn't want anything from the rock except for wisdom and truth (as Damon mentioned in 2004 how there was nothing more noble than to observe a city of bustling geologists, who all gather to share their findings of truth by trekking to the boonies of the earth, from outcrop to outcrop), and how to best live with the rock, to manipulate the rock or to adapt to it?, also addresses the theme of LOVE-HATE relationships with humans and environment, yet they are inseperable and you have to live and deal with it, besides humans talking to rocks basically documents the human elements of scientific practice, yes GEOLOGISTS READ ROCKS. GEOLOGISTS TALK TO ROCKS AND GEOLOGISTS GOSSIP AMONG THEMSELVES ABOUT ROCKS, AND THE ROCKS' FEELINGS ARE NOT HURT).
**Shelly started to think about this poem/song being DRAMATIZED in theater or a film such that you have a human like a geologist talking to a human dressed up as a rock, or a bunch of humans dressed as rocks or black flowing capes of sediments and streams (I am so shocked that Shelly and Christina Allison spewed this idea out because I had a secret fantasy about creating a dance about a rock who lived on top of a hill, broke out, and had this adventure being transformed and carved and transported all the way down from the top of the mountain to the bottom of the ocean, like an ultimate roller coaster ride in a few minutes rather than a few million years).
**attempt to write not from the human's point of view but from the ROCK'S POINT OF VIEW, e.g. humans are like what the hxll? and the rock's point of view is like "You humankinds can fxck your self up, but I don't give a fxck about what you humans do to yourself. I shall still be here. You destroy yourselves, you will become dirt of the earth. You will beat yourself up, and then you will come join me."
**the poem discusses the idea of ADAPTATION and MANIPULATION (which was part of the Goleta Beach script).
**Valerie mentioned the problems with rocks "the levees" of Hurricane Katrina and the current hurricane.... (which I am incorporating in the "Elephant and Oak Tree" story).
**brainstorm how rocks relate to humans and their lives *minerals*where we build houses*where we get most materials from in our supplies and technology*make projectile points out of rocks to kill prey*rocks as religious symbols*BUT VIC IS NOT NEW AGEY, she is skimming spiritual-new-age-bullshxt*rocks don't even burn in fires, so we can put that in Willard's story!

**Shelly advised Hector to send his poem (it's a very sad poem on the passing of a dear friend associated with an ironic set of emails) to Hudson Review (http://www.hudsonreview.com) and Kenyon Review (http://www.kenyonreview.org)
**Christina Allison is dealing with "serious comedy" (politics of the psat) and I, Victoria, am dealing with "serious comedy" human psychology and environment of the present...

283. Ecopistemology and Comparative, Multi-media Storytelling

Well, ever since I started attending the workshops of Shelly Lowenkopf in Montecito, my mind started to rapidly organize in terms of "mechanisms of storytelling." I started to realize that if I belonged in one line of human storytelling (literature, music, acting, film), I started to realize that the central organizing mechanism of human perception of Reality is through Writing (paralleled with my cartoon drawings mental mappings). If I belong within a "group" within any industry of storytelling, it would be in writing. I started to realize most of the rest of the characters are layers stemmed from writing, and those people are mostly puppets. If you want to meet pure intelligence and people who manipulate reality, best chill with the writers. Took me three years later to find myself rooted in writing once again. When I branch out into multi-media projects, I will say, first and foremost I am a Writer/Cartoonist. After that, I am a writer who composes and records music. Not, I am a "musician." After that, I am a writer who makes movies. Not, I am a "film-maker." I had such a hard time getting together some form of coherent body of information in "comparative storytelling," and I could only do it from the frame of reference of writing. Not film. Not public speaking. Not music. Not elaborate, multi-layered, three-dimensional graphic art. No. No. No. Just writing. The Backbone HTML code to the Reconstruction of Reality.

You know? It gives me some comfort knowing that since the dawn of human cave art-writing chicken scratch, humans have been writers and cartoonists (even musicians, but they had vocal cords for internal instruments, not electronic pianos). So, that's a few hundred thousand years? Million years? Paper and pencil have been around a while. But photographers and film-makers and million-dollar music studios only existed since the 1800s and 1900s. It makes sense to have a writer/cartoonist frame of reference, because the rest are recent inventions and more technology intensive. Evolution of storytelling.

I wrote a dozen or more pages on Ecopistemology and Comparative, Multi-Media Storytelling. Which I will ultimately have to say that (1) it is an essay attempting to define "what is environmental media and why do we need it"? (the whole scientists part of a system called society and planet Earth, scientists as chess pieces, simultaneously trying to analyze the whole game of chess, account for human dimensions of scientific practice and environmental change) and (2) it is written from the frame of reference of a scientist. Hence, I am comparing all forms of multi-media with reference to the practices of scientific writing and the acquired mindframe of a scientist. More specifically, field scientist (aka "fuzziologist").

269. In Preparation for Shelly Lowenkopf's Lion's Den at the Montecito Library with "The Scale of Gigi" and "The Tragedy of Celebrity" at Hand

Above is just the FIRST PAGE of the short story. Here is the PDF for "The Scale of Gigi." http://stokastika2.googlepages.com/1scaleofgigi5bubsecondround.pdf.
"The Scale of Gigi" written a couple of weekends ago in hot and smoggy Riverside, California. That weekend I lost a tooth and received two ridiculous parking tickets. The parable was a response to a SEED (science magazine) contest to which I missed the deadline doublefold: the article was supposed to be 1200 words in length and I was supposed to submit it August 1st, 2008 by midnight eastern time. Oh well. I ended up writing a parable that might be useful for other magazines. After review, I need to send this article out to at least five potential publication sources. Must do today or the energy is lost!
My father edited the story TWICE and we took out the "I" and "me" to a mystical, enchanted scientist character by the name of "Uabwa" who was transported through time to be a scientist from the past to a scientist of the modern day. If I had the opportunity, I would post the "I" and "me" and "us" and "we" version of the "Scale of Gigi," but it's best not to do so. I reread the Uabwa-version and started to realize that I needed to weave the character a bit more deeply into the beginning of the story to make it work.

First page of "Behind the Scenes" subconcious thoughts of a writer when writing a story, in this case "The Scale of Gigi." Here is the entire PDF file: http://stokastika2.googlepages.com/2behindscenesscrapnotesscalegigi.pdf. Mostly I am obsessing about my own grammatical/tense consistency. I worked to create a "matrix" or cognitive map of my story before writing out the details. I worried about who is to edit the essay. And lastly I started to think about "who is my audience?" and "where will I place and try to publish this short story?"

First page of "The Tragedy of Celebrity," edited by my father, Richard Minnich. I submitted the piece to The New Yorker--as suggested by my father. Long shots are always good dreams. I already received two, vague fuzzy responses along the lines of "Sorry, can't take your work, but has nothing to say about its merit." I don't end up with publication, BUT I do end up with some positive feedback and compliments from The New Yorker. I feel good! The truth is I only read one email fully. The other email was a more lengthy response, I think with an attached article. Hey! I am stimulating response here! No one is remaining apathetic to my writing! Wow! Pat on the back. The PDF file for "The Tragedy of Celebrity" edited by "Bub" is here:
http://stokastika2.googlepages.com/3tragedyofcelebritybubedits.pdf.

I prepared these two articles for today's reading, though if I were "on time" with life, I would have had prepared "The Elephant and the Oak Tree." Dxmmit. And "The Myth of Sisyphus." Well, that's next on the to-do list. Maybe back to Shelly's next week.

I am a bit nervous. But I am also excited to have the chance to share my work with a very well-respected writer. Dr. Lowenkopf's blog "Writer's Notes to Himselves" is found here: http://www.lowenkopf.com/. It's really nice to put a human face to all these prestigious names of the Santa Barbara Writers Conference website!

I think this writer's group in Montecito (and others around) is the best possible audience I can have! The two criteria of an audience I desire is (1) one that is capable to think and question, and if you do not do that, my writing is designed to be koan-esque and shock you int thinking and questioning (e.g. my koan of the day "is anorexia a 'mental' problem or an 'environmental' problem?" I told Hector, Willard, and Bruce over lunch at Peabodys. Bruce said, "Yes, that is the motive that will make me turn the pages.") and (2) a non-scientific, non-university audience. I need an audience that can be affiliated with the university but not drowned with it. Thirdly, I would say it would be nice to have an audience that is into book reading, but I am not particular about that anymore, because I decided myself to ADAPT to this multi-media society so I can even hit the teeny-bopper-ipod-addicts with some koanesque music and short films. Multi-media is all derived from writing.

It had only been my dad editing my writing over the years. Plus my good grades on my lab reports from courses. But I need to expand outside the box. I have to write stories that hit scientists and environmental stakeholders directly in the stomach but do it with an accidental, indirect, parablesque, allegoryesque cloak. And I need to make university outsiders ENGAGED and INTERESTED. For example, today, I told the Peabody's lunch group (how ultimate and elite! To have lunch in Montecito, California! First time ever! I am not into wealth, but hxll, to be conscious of an experience within the Mecca of the Globe?!), "Everything I am writing to the university outsider is like a 'rediscovery of the common sense' because most university outsiders already have some level of big picture understanding of reality. But when it comes to university bureacracy and reductionist scientific research, people are so pin-headed that they have lost sight of any larger picture, especially in concern of human-environmental relations. They are clueless! So, I am re-discovering purpose and common sense, based on a synthetic view of knowledge, derived from my own experiences weaved with the more universal context of accumulated academic knowledge." Okay, so maybe I didn't speak that eloquently. The first instantaneous response came from Willard Thompson (self-publisher and author of Dreamhelper), "Before, when I used to be an editor for a magazine, I was involved on an article on the overall condition and management of the Sacramento River Delta. It was splendid and amazing to be surrounded by brilliant scientists! But--you talk to one scientists and he or she would know anything and everything about this one little fish and know NOTHING ELSE about the river system. Then you go to the next scientist, and he or she would know everything about this small set of plants, but would know NOTHING ELSE... about larger issues on how to even more optimally manage the delta and the crisis with the salmon! So, based on this, I already know what you are talking about." I also hooked Bruce, who is an insurance agent (mind you, Bruce, Willard, and I are ALL left-handed!) in concern of the crux page-turning question of my book: "Is anorexia a mental disorder or an environ-mental disorder?" Can an experience so personal lead to conclusions quite universal? The main character of the story had to rationalize herself out of a life-threatening condition of anorexia. And instead of taking pills, out of desperation, she had to re-invent and re-organize Reality in her mind such that she can find purpose and the will to live in this modern society. I think I managed to hook Bruce and Willard really fast....

So, as you can tell, I ended up going to the Lion's Den Writers group with Hector in Montecito, California. I ended up liking it a lot! I already vaguely knew Shelly--in addition to knowing Christina Allison (playwright) and Penny (both whom are veterans of the first ever-Santa Barbara Write-off Reality show competition). There were a few other characters in the group I did not know, which of course made the whole ordeal very exciting! And to me (and soon to be my father's delight), 5 out of 8 people attending the workshop (Shelly excluded), were LEFT-HANDED. Talk about a SOUTHPAW MECCA! Wow. This group is the bomb. And everyone is very professional and has a bit of very good reputation!

I didn't get to read today, but I am actually very GLAD that I didn't. I sat and listened and took lots of notes. I like the way how Shelly critiques. He doesn't attack nitpicks of the writing structure but he attacks the overall gestalt "big picture" of the story. The underlying motives that ultimately drive all strings of the matrix of reality to weave together in a complex web. Shelly has the method down PAT and through his exposure I am finally writing out the method as well, and as an environmental writer, how I am "tweaking" the method that distinguishes creative science/environmental writing from the rest.

It was nice to be around a bunch of people and have lots of pebbles of ideas being tossed and turned and swished around in my brain. Lots of dislodgement! Things had been too "settled" and I needed something that was equivalent of a "chaotic quarter system" but in a mild-to-moderate dose. I soaked up everything like a sponge, I was so hungry for Novelty and Breaking the Routine! Thanks Shelly! I think I will add his website to my blog list.

I am scheduled to read next week. I have a HOT one-week deadline to work with. Toastmasters. Meet up with Hector to do a reading of the stuff I couldn't read today. Blue Horizons presentations. Shelly's reader group kick off. And to put a face to Lauri MacLean's office (as well as Current TV and Meatrix producers) offices up in San Francisco. I am going to go sampling agents/publishing houses up in San Francisco. I decided to stay west coast. For logistical reasons. Plus I need to visit Zac. Sooo exciting! Go, go, go!