411. Reflections in Palm Springs Desert Before the Shxt Hits the Fan: A Morning of Graphic Design of Geologic Failure

BELOW IS THE PRINTFECTION TSHIRT LINK FOR "Ignorance is of momentary bliss, but can construct a nearly continuous living hxll of a mental prison."
http://www.printfection.com/questionreality/Ignorance-is-of-Momentary-Bliss/_s_271405

BELOW IS THE PRINTFECTION TSHIRT LINK FOR "Mental Entropy Revisited: A Conscious Escape of the Box"
http://www.printfection.com/questionreality/Mental-Entropy-Revisited--Conscious-Escape-of-Box/_s_271423

Caption on Picasaweb:
In the morning of April 13, 2009, I woke up amongst the truckers at the Desert Center, 30 miles away from Indio / Palm Springs. I witnessed a hazy-pink sunrise upon the San Jacinto Mountains. My mind was clear but experienced restlessness upon facing the California Arena of Failure where I had shxt so much I could no longer consume. Before digging further into my pile of unsorted mental experiences of the last 4 years--more like 4 billion years--I came to a Starbucks and had a morning of linear reflections and engaged in artwork I had been meaning to engage upon for ages. (1) Ignorance can be of momentary bliss, but can construct a nearly continuous living hxll of a mental prison (2) Mental Entropy Revisited: A Conscious Escape of the Box. Since I was bathed in the grandeur of geologic features of Palm Springs, I could not help upon reminiscing my failed experiences in Earth Sciences at UC Riverside, and desired to capture and summarize how I felt--in a photograph and a few images.

Photographic Captions:
My sister Jenny's favorite quote: "Ignorance can be of momentary bliss, but can construct a nearly continuous living hxll of a mental prison." I wrote this quote during the year of 2005-2006 when I was mentally and bureaucratically stuck at UC Riverside, and suffered traumatically for my circumstance. I used the "liquify" button in Photoshop to add eery diversity to my self-constructed font repertoire.

Mental Entropy Revisited: A Conscious Escape Outside the Box. I wrote this quote during the year of 2005-2006 when I was mentally and bureaucratically stuck at UC Riverside, and suffered traumatically for my circumstance. [adding median function in photoshop]

Trapped Outdoors, Stuck in the Head. Anza Borrego National Park with Martin Kennedy's Sedimentology Course. This is not the most "aesthetic" of images but the most symbolic of my year long panic attack mode when enrolled at UC Riverside. (How can one be trapped outdoors when one is outside, not inside, stuck in a lab?)

My sister Jenny's favorite quote that I of all people actually said: "Ignorance is of momentary bliss, but can construct a nearly continuous living hxll of a mental prison."
The College of Creative Studies at UC Santa Barbara is a very dangerous place.
Once your mind delves into and seeks order (essentially self-regulation) in a world of no borders or boundaries... there is no going back. You will fight for the rest of your life for intellectual freedom. You can never fit in a box ever again. Trying to co-exist with the rest of society is close to impossible.

How does it feel when you are stuck--and you don't know that you are stuck?
You are okay. You may be calm. You wouldn't know any better. You are out of context.
How does it feel when you are stuck--and you KNOW what you are stuck?
That you are ultimately stuck in your head?
This is where existing become very, very painful and very psychologically tumultous.
I would be the one to know.
To be stuck and to KNOW to be stuck.
There is something inside you--a well of demons of sorts--and you are not exactly sure how to get them out, sort them out, express them, place them... from the world inside... to the world out there... channeling energy... to the right people... the right places. A tumor is trapped inside you and is eating you alive.
I would be the one to know.

How does it feel to be stuck, and to know that you are stuck... and to be surrounded by people who love and care about you (and knew you since you were five years old), but do not understand at all what you are going through?
They didn't know the chaos that was sifting frantically through your head?
Frightening, I'd say. Very much so.

How does it feel to be outside--in the vast outdoors--and yet be stuck in your head? Feel trapped in the endlessness of the Anza Borrego desert? You weren't even a lab rat, stuck running gels for 5 years to get your Ph.D.
Why was I stuck? Because, I can't just look at rocks. Rocks are just a part of the puzzle. A big part, but not the whole puzzle. Because I couldn't move on to the next step--the synergism of science and art.

The energy is bottled, contained, and ready to explode.
How could someone exist in such a frightening mental condition for two years in a row, from fall 2005 to fall 2007?
And only get two gray hairs?
I would be the one two know.

409. Paving Over Une Mauvaise Memoire: Out with Failure and In with Success at the Origins Symposium! (Poem / Song)

Poem / song "Paving Over Une Mauvaise Memoire" is the first time I create a poem that was more like Franglish, the rule of the poem was to be mostly English, but have at least one French word or phrase in each line of the poem. The poem is about my experience of paving over negative memories with positive ones, that the summation of failures can equate to a success. I have learned that it is very difficult to write about failure until you have achieved a state of success. The PDF can be found here: http://stokastika2.googlepages.com/poemsongpavingoverunemauvaisememoire.pdf

The poem / song "Anorexic Ocean / Bulimic Human" is the first poem where I clearly compare and overlay the processes of psychological (mental disorder) with environ-mental disorder. THIS POEM WILL GO IN THE NEXT EDIT/REVISION OF CHESS. The PDF can be found here:

http://stokastika2.googlepages.com/poemsonganorexicoceanbulimichuman.pdf

Main Caption:
Before one can build a positive story of downright success, one must "get over the failures." My first embarrassing experience in Phoenix, Arizona was affiliated with American Idol (July 2008), which represented the most vile and base standards and ethics of human society. I dare not affiliate with such a venture any longer. And now, upon my return to Phoenix, more specifically, Tempe, Arizona, as a volunteer for the first ever Origins Symposium (world's largest popular science conference, spearheaded by Lawrence Krauss), I am ready to dismiss this past illusion of failure and surround myself with a positive sphere of utmost success. I have been productive with processing old photographs representative of my Highway 10 car drive from California to Arizona and back (from the last trip as well as this trip), as well as devising two poems I am very excited about--with the themes of connecting psychology and the environment, as well as paving over negative memories with positive ones.

Some Picture Captions:
Caption: Negative Memories of American Idol in July of 2007 and 2008, San Diego, California, and Phoenix, Arizona. Currently getting paved over with success. American Idol is the most intellectually and morally insulting venture I have ever encountered.Many American's want to be an Idol, essentially a mass-produced clown to be draped with the mass-produces products for corporations. Why?

Caption: American Idol Production Crew and Hollywood Mafia Judges.

Caption: Wildland fire-bathed sunsets can heal wounded souls. To think that I almost made it past the first round in San Diego singing "I would if I could" self-invented song, but flopping with singing a "Blue" techno song, which is essentially unsingable. That was a decision under a state of sleep-deprivation. You have to sing other people's crxp to become an idol and sing your own crxp--which is crxp invented by industry standard ya baby ya Hollywood formula songwriters.

Caption: Sole cacti in the middle of the Arizona desert can heal wounded souls. At this point, I invented a song, Media Reality, People's Reality--discrepancy....What I also saw this year in the Origins Conference. I hold no bitterness any longer.

Caption: Distant, strange mountainous terrain (and nuclear sites?) in the middle of the Arizona desert can heal wounded souls.

Caption: Familiar mountainous territory near palm springs, coupled with towering summer thunder clouds can heal wounded souls.

Caption: Strange grasshoppers (cicadas?) chirping in massive abundance, embedded in the shade of a tree by the side of the 10 freeway can heal wounded souls. It seems like whenever you don't understand and come to hate your own species--humans--you tend to find solace in simple creatures... like grasshoppers.... They make more sense... more often than not.... As the cartoon goes, if you want a friend in Washington D.C., go get yourself a dog!