449. Consequential Dope of Subconscious Starvation

Consequential Dope of Subconscious Starvation

It's funny
I began writing
and writing
and drawing
and then someone
told me after
6 years of
writing drawing
breathing
that I am an "epistemologist."
Episte-wha?!
and soon after that
someone told me
that I am a "phenomenologist."
A phenomenon-what?!
And two weeks after that
someone told me
that I am a "nihilist."
Nyquilist?
No! Ni- like "Neh"-hilist.
And another
an "existentialist."
Cool! I'm existentializing!
I'm proud as a button.
And I didn't even know
that I was doing
what I was doing.
I'm just writing
and writing
and drawing
as people need to
breathe and eat
I need to write and draw.

I mean I "learned" all these
weird words in high school--
more like choked them down
for a test--
I thought all those philosophers
were thinking and writing
when they were high
on dope and mushrooms
to a point of absurdist
incomprehensibility--
but then over time
during my process of
self carvation of inner maps,
out of the blue,
someone calls me,
associates me with
one of those dope-head
mushroom-addicts
who somehow "advanced"
our little human leaf cutter ant colony
society, I mean,
to its present state of overfilled
haydaydoom--
I find it kind of disturbing.

So and so
it's been ten years since
I've cracked into the words
of Camus and Descartes
and I am frightened to say
that now...
and somehow now,
I understand
what they were talking about.
I understand
what they were going through.
But I swear upon any
Allmighty Tree and Moon
My only dope
was subconscious
starvation.