382. Poem on the Tradeoff of Physical and Mental Consumption

stress overate
to a dulled brain
no neurons raced
in the world
outside--
they all tended fate
of sacrifice
to my tummy.

Physical and mental consumption unfortunately has a trade-off effect.

Last night I was so stressed that I overate. I gave my neurons away not to a heightened sensation to the world outside, but to the selfish, visceral operations of my tummy. It is frustrating, because I walk around the UCSB campus and I perceive things, but have no ability to emotionally grasp them, as I am so attentive when I am operating like a hungry lion on an empty stomach.

So interesting people have morphed into passing, dulled humans. Supersensory white blossoms of these apricot-like trees have shifted into a backdrop nuissance of smell that I tend to repel when strolling through a Macy's or Nordstroms. Everything is flattened and ungraspable, as slowly, the food I consumed--not out of hunger, but out of impulsive self-infliction--slowly, ever so slowly, mechanically, chemically digests.

And so I wait for the restoration of the full capacities of my senses.

ASIDE: The world is changing all around me and you are trying to cling onto something stable amidst all this change. And the only vessel I can seem to hold onto maintain is my own self.