382. Poem on the Tradeoff of Physical and Mental Consumption

stress overate
to a dulled brain
no neurons raced
in the world
outside--
they all tended fate
of sacrifice
to my tummy.

Physical and mental consumption unfortunately has a trade-off effect.

Last night I was so stressed that I overate. I gave my neurons away not to a heightened sensation to the world outside, but to the selfish, visceral operations of my tummy. It is frustrating, because I walk around the UCSB campus and I perceive things, but have no ability to emotionally grasp them, as I am so attentive when I am operating like a hungry lion on an empty stomach.

So interesting people have morphed into passing, dulled humans. Supersensory white blossoms of these apricot-like trees have shifted into a backdrop nuissance of smell that I tend to repel when strolling through a Macy's or Nordstroms. Everything is flattened and ungraspable, as slowly, the food I consumed--not out of hunger, but out of impulsive self-infliction--slowly, ever so slowly, mechanically, chemically digests.

And so I wait for the restoration of the full capacities of my senses.

ASIDE: The world is changing all around me and you are trying to cling onto something stable amidst all this change. And the only vessel I can seem to hold onto maintain is my own self.

367. Industrial Ecology of Graduate School, Part 1 "Mass Produced Individual Identity" Photography (Picasaweb)

I created this photography series in Fall of 2007. The protocol for generating such images is to consume a hamburger from the ampm mini-market gas station 2am in the morning, make sure you feel sick the "next day," then attempt to clean your room and attempt to take pictures of yourself while at it. This is how I feel every single time I clean up the trash from my room: "Mass-produced Individual Identity. Self-System Identification. Am I more than just the summation of receipts? bills? credit card company mail? Am I just a NUMBER to all of you? Just a dollar bill? Just some random molecular human? "It's not that we don't care. It's just that we as humans don't have the CAPACITY to care." Why don't you create your own Mental Microcosmos of Humanity."

I suppose this can be called The State of Technological Interdependence. This is also called Physical/Mental Carrying Capacity-Saturation / Pseudo-autism / Eusocial Ecological Niche Space.

I am writing this in response to my frequent bouts of trash accumulation, combined with "purges" of this trash. I am establishing a philosophy of Accumulations and Purges.