505. Beginning of a New Poem / Song... Finding All These Metaphors for My Buried Freudian Anorexic Past....

The last week I have been doing some Freudian [deep] mental scrubbing, coming to realize that I am re-connecting my shoved-back past, connecting dots in new ways... continuing the Anorexic Academic theme here from Blog 229... Santa Barbara Writer's Conference.... I'm not sure whether to call this song/poem "Ghost" because I already have another Ghost poem dealing with broader issues in space and time. I am remembering how this one memoirist (some dude who likes to write about his gay life and his dog in New York, of course) said one sage piece of advice for sure... "As you keep living the present, your relationship with the past constantly changes, shifts." I am endlessly a shifting baseline syndrome. *Sigh.*

underneath these frothe layers,
false prestige of academics,
lays a wild vicious creature,
desperate and anorexic.

underneath these stable layers
of an hourglass dynamic,
lurks the darkness of a belljar [chaos]
caving in to a walking stick.

oh, somehow, second chance in mind
gave new shell to a decayed life--

ghost.

as a ghost.

oooh.oooh.oooh.

[exist as]
as a ghost,
could not let go
of her demons ago,
could not escape,
northern lights
to create
another day
in her way-
coming her way,
so she haunts
like a ghost,
haunting
her very world,
universe of
her self,
like a ghost,
second chance
as a ghost,
second life
second chance,
as a ghost,
living ghost...
creating a ghost...
haunting a ghost...

like a ghost--

is her ailment
mental or enviro-
mental, interactive
both.
oooh.oooh.oooh, both.
oooh.oooh.oooh, both.