136. Blue Horizons Continued: Randomness In Between, Residual Poetry and Songs Not Included in Constance Penley Music Compilation

Random bits and pieces
of space and time
Connect and intertwine
to form the fabric of my mind.

[Probably best Intro poem for
Poetry Collection: The Relativistic Identity Crisis]

This above poem was the intro poem "random bits and pieces of space and time" to my collection of songs/poetry that I submitted to Dr. Constance Penley when writing an essay on environmental messaging in music. I wrote the poem when I was hanging around California Sound Studios in the spring of 2007, and a former fellow high school comrade (his name slips my mind as of this moment) who's a double major in dance and music... and is now an engineer at California Sound Studios.

This is just a small chunk of a longer poem "101 Ways to Tell a Story" but I only included this part in an essay to Dr. Constance Penley. I was very upset writing this music essay. It capsulated what I knew but I felt ashamed because I didn't feel I accomplished enough in my own music to feel that I have established a meaningful essay beyond my own self-interest (though I laid out the rubric for the matrix of comparative storytelling). I think this poem blip is very important in terms of my own personal philosophy of story-telling. I am exposing my ideas to others, but it is up to them to "take it or leave it." Accept my ideas or reject them. I was kind of bargaining with Maria Gordon today stating that right now I am in creative-story-telling production, so by the time I'm in grad school somewhere, I will be in story-telling evaluation mode (just so I fit in better with the scientists :-). I am doing the creative stuff now (while people are largely off my back) and then doing the systematic analysis later. I told her I just don't want to be another victim of what's going on in Film and Media: intellectual spectatorship. How can you analyze a movie if you don't know how to create one yourself? That's the same way how I feel about all environmental media. I have no license to evaluate unless I have the ability to construct the system myself.

I also wrote this poem while I was house-sitting in Orange County. It was right around the time I watched the movie "Science of Sleep." I was influenced by a song in which the lyrics had in it how "love was a black hole" but these lyrics weren't the main theme of the song, but moreso subordinate lyrics and toward the end of the song. Well, I could relate to the words, obviously and STARTED the poem above. I have more lyrics to this poem, but will have to retrieve them later.

The above poem is a conglomerate of three fragmented poem bits "Mind's Rite of Spring / Open Heart Surgery / Holding my Mental Breath." All fragments were constructed when I was in Orange County... again. I am including this poem primarily because I incorporated fragments of it into the music essay for Dr. Constance Penley. When looking back retrospectively, I could say I was greatly "mentally constipated" in Orange County and I wouldn't have merged these three fragmented poems otherwise.

The above poem/song is called "The Greatest Gift a Friend Could Give is Time." I wrote this in a state of desperation and social deprivation (no "social pill") in my apartment situation during the summer of 2007. Desperation can make you pretty poetic in several ways! Perception of reality is very, very different! I felt like Tom Hanks on an Island in Castaway, though I was surrounded by people in Santa Barbara. I had no intimiate connection with any human through a housing situation.

The meaning of this poem kicked in later on during the summer. I consciously experienced a "mental tweak" in my brain after spending quite a bit of time with Oscar and Dulce. One evening I was supposed to go home and work right after class, but I was spontaneously invited to go with Oscar and Dulce to Super Cucas in Isla Vista, where we all shared a giant chicken-riddled nachos. Despite the stress and anxiety, I enjoyed the spontaneity of the moment, and how we just talked and laughed and got full with nachos for the rest of the night. During that night, it was strange to fully experience some "basal tweaking" in Victoria's brain (going third person here). It was if in that moment, Vic's mind assigned a "deeper value" to hanging out with Oscar, Dulce, and Maria. Like Vic's mind established some form of pleasure-center response or reward system or relaxation system for hanging out with such friends. Such an amazing feeling, especially after over a month of having no housemate, no roommmate. Very strange, very strange experience!

So, overall, during summer of 2007, there was a bit of "poetry gaps" and "poetry backlog" from my previous bout of Blue Horizons in September of 2007, so I'm trying to fill the gaps here.

Key Words: poem, song, random bits pieces spacetime, 101 ways tell story, matrix, intellectual spectatorship, love rabbit hole, rite of spring, holding mental breath, open heart surgery, time greatest gift, mental tweak