Intellectual Spectatorship: Why I Hate Critiquing Films, A Bug to MAKE Them

I have a very difficult time sitting around and "critiquing" films for class. I feel like this standoffish "intellectual spectator" who has nothing better to do than bxtch about what's been made than make something myself (Pardon my crassness, but I am a bit moody this morning).

I met a guy who bxtched to me for a long time about this physicist who wanted to study his skateboarding. What's the point? I mean. Just learn to skateboard yourself, would ya? Do all the tricks. "Physics intellectual spectator" is a little bit different than being a "film intellectual spectator" because well, not everyone has the malleability, testosterone-levels, and resources to become a skateboarder. So why not study it? And through this process, innovate through engineering?

Why I hate critiquing films for class? Because I have so many ideas I need to just go out and MAKE films. I want to be INTELLECTUAL MANIPULATOR of reality, not the spectator. Just like this guy who found his center of mass early on his life before he became 6 foot tall (as myself), I am a person who finds great ease in putting two-and-two-and-two-and-two together to make some multi-correlative representation of Reality (well, at least to my mind).

The worst part is that when I watch a movie, I am analytical, but not only that, I get an EXPLOSION of ideas. I become vulnerable and go through this competitive ego fest with the invisible film-maker (who I just see his or her film and not meet the real-live human) by exploding with 101 new ideas for the films I could make that would be a unique spin-off to whatever you did. I just got majorly inspired to do something REALLY WEIRD with my crab project based on watching Koyaanisqatsi (and to let you know Godfrey Reggio is now TOP of my list for film-makers, I felt like my teachers exposed me to a buried treasure. I plan on tracking him down in my one-day trip across the country. He is in Santa Fe, New Mexico, the SAME location as the "other CCS" that houses outside the box physicist Brian West, spearheading universal scaling laws in biology).

God, I mean, the Koya-blah-blah movie (I should just call it "the K movie") had no direction, and it was intentional, but I DIDN'T LIKE that, and thankfully since no one knows me, I am going to make something similar but ENTIRELY based on the concept of the ARTISTIC/QUALITATIVE/PHILOSOPHICAL meaning of scaling laws in geology, biology, ecology, and human ecology. AND perceptual relativity. I am already racking up a VERY GOOD COLLECTION of PHOTOGRAPHS. Just keep compiling that, and then start stitching stuff and then "filming." Will have to talk to Martin Kennedy about this. This is pretty big. I have to do this. The movie will have DIRECTION, but that same creepy gothic music (church and primal and arabic all at the same time) (more Rite of Spring directionalish, story-tellingish) time lapses, precise "seeking the pattern and breaking it" composition, spacetime warps, distant-observational to being manipulative and "on the human factory treadmill" rather than "watching the treadmill from the distance").

(See? It's not apparent on a daily basis--I just dress around and go to school as a slob--but I have my competitive ego too. It's bowerbird related. Reality-constructionism-related. It's the "evolutionary arms race" in who's more outside-the-box creative than the other person. My neurons fly and connect at the speed of light after a movie, you know... which makes it very PAINFUL for me to watch movies in the first place.)

So, now you know my weak spot. I have an ego too. I'm not sure it's the size of Katmandu (as perhaps that of Dr. Milton Love), but I try to make my bower as big as Katmandu. I try to mentally consume everything. So my mind has a huge understanding of Reality, but my place in it is so small. I realize I am relatively small, but at the same time, since I as a Geobum wannabe, realizing that I am so small, it makes me feel that a person holding a calibrated geological viewpoint is so... sooo... grand... Hopefully, no one reads this. It gives away a good chunk of my own mystery. *sigh*